In a World of My Own

May 21, 2021

Lauren Tsai is ever-evolving. The model, actress, and illustrator first became widely known after her role on the reality TV show Terrace House when she was 18 years old. Since then, Tsai’s fanbase has grown significantly due to her incredibly successful careers in fashion and art.

After years of growing up in the public eye, Tsai now produces her work through a more reflective approach, no matter the medium. When musing on her current perspective, Tsai notes, “I don’t want to be obsessed with money or fame or my body. Right now, I just want to get out of the cage I built for myself.”

Photos by Jesper Lund
Styling by Karolyn Pho
Interview by Caroline Brown
Hair by Rachel Lee Wright at MA+World Group using ORIBE
Makeup by Mel Daniel Sandoval using Armani Beauty
Producer: Mitchell Connell
Photo Assistant: Vinnie Maggio

ABOVE IMAGE: LEFT - JACKET NOUR HAMMOUR, EARRINGS LAUREN’S OWN; RIGHT - CARDIGAN THE ELDER STATESMAN, BRA AND PANTY ARAKS, DENIM BOBBY DAY, SOCKS BROOKS BROTHERS, LOAFER GUCCI

office caught up with Tsai in LA to talk about growing up in Hawaii, things we wish we could tell our younger selves, and connecting to a higher power. Read more below.

You moved from Massachusetts to Hawaii at a young age. How did that shift your perspective of the world?

I was born in Massachusetts in a predominantly white area. I grew up with those images of Fall, apple cider, and spring flowers and those memories are all in my heart. My family and I moved to Hawaii when I was seven, so I had the opportunity to grow up and learn in a place where there is an emphasis on presence. I think you can feel that in the air, but you also feel that in every interaction you have. People over there aren’t rushed at all. They are very happy with what they have and are respectful to the environment. I feel extremely blessed to have grown up there. Being on that island taught me a lot about nature too. I spent a lot of my time barefoot climbing on rocks and through the forest and I think that those images created a backdrop for what I see when I’m creating my work. Living on such a small island led me to really incubate my own interests so after high school, I felt like I had a lot of energy to go out into the world and find something more for myself.

DRESS GUCCI, STOCKING GUCCI, NECKLACE & EARRINGS LAUREN’S OWN, LOAFER GUCCI

You’re so lucky to have built a foundation like that. How did that translate when you chose to go on Terrace House? How did that exposure change you?

It’s been four years since the show, well, maybe five years now, shit! It took a long time to digest everything that happened because the outcome of that show was so unexpected. Terrace House resulted from years of build-up. I started working in Japan when I was 15 years old. I would go over there in the summers and I would teach myself Japanese, network with people, and try to do some modeling. But, at the time, I wasn’t really getting any modeling jobs. I would do one catalog a summer and just be in debt the whole time until I’d go home. But I always had this idea of Japan as a light in the sky. For me, going to Japan represented finding myself and being able to believe in the most fantastical dream life that I wanted to chase. When I was younger I spent so much time on the internet posting my artwork, but I was always anonymous and there was a lot of freedom in that, but I always knew I didn’t want to be afraid to be myself, which was difficult for me at the time.

I auditioned for Terrace House on my own when I was 18 years old, I found the opportunity through Facebook and the ad called for someone 18-30 and single. I had never really put myself out there like that, so I decided to do it. I went onto that show at a time where I was still struggling with a lot of self-confidence and mental health. For most of my time on that show, I was preoccupied with the ideas of what other people thought of me, so I wasn't fully being myself. What I thought was beautiful about that show was that it captured me being in that moment and I now realize that there’s nothing wrong with being in that place.

After the show, I got really famous in Japan unexpectedly. When I got back to Tokyo everyone recognized me. I was blowing up and getting jobs and I really ran myself into the ground with work. It took a lot out of me because there wasn't a lot of direction coming from myself, I was just doing everything that people told me to do and I was still trying to be “perfect”. I wanted to be what other people wanted me to be. People knew me from the show and I thought I had to still be that same person because if people knew the real me maybe people wouldn’t like me anymore. It was such a blessing gaining that platform, but it took a lot of strength to eventually put the real me out there, and that’s something I’m still discovering now.

JACKET NOUR HAMMOUR, SHORTS SAINT LAURENT, NECKLACE LAUREN’S OWN

If you could go back, what’s one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self?

I think that things happen the way they are meant to happen, so I’m really grateful for those cold, lonely nights in my apartment alone. At one point, I was so busy that I didn't even have a bed for months, I would just sleep on a futon in the corner of my apartment. Still, that time was so special to me because it taught me self-reliance and how to endure things that were hard for me. If I could say something to my younger self, I think it would be along the lines of the message that I hope everyone knows how there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your world view is so special and that is something only you can see. I know it’s really easy to think that you as a person aren’t interesting enough, or that you need to change yourself to be someone that people will listen to, but you being yourself is such a rare thing and if you can lean into that then all the right things in this life will find you. If you’re suppressing yourself to please other people then you become someone that you can’t recognize and that’s a really hard thing to have to come home to at night. The world inside of your head is the one you have to live in and taking care of that is most important. I’ve learned that by not listening to myself for many years.

You’ve also been an illustrator for a long time. Your work is so fantastical, and I know that living in Hawaii has largely impacted that, but are there any other sources of inspiration for your work?

When I look back on my life, I see faces more than anything. I see the quiet moments where I connect with people and feel like I can open up with them. The people that I’ve loved and lost shape everything that I do. The connections I have with people will always be the most important factor and through my work, I try honoring the experiences I’ve had. Having art as a means for reflecting and coming full circle with situations is such a blessing because it allows me to move forward. Putting things into art is my way of growing and it’s always the medium I’ve leaned towards.

JACKET MIU MIU, NECKLACE LAUREN’S OWN

I read that you never really planned on becoming a model. How did that come about?

I actually went to animation school and that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a 3D character designer, but I also have this deep desire in myself to be seen. I wanted to perform and put myself out there and I realize now that I love acting and that’s something I’ve been focusing on in the last year. But at the time, I wanted people to like me and I wanted to like myself. I thought that if I could become someone who was in the media then that would help me be real. I love modeling too, there’s something so beautiful about collaborating with designers and creating images, but when I initially started, I loved the idea that I could be anyone but myself. I’m excited to continue modeling, but as myself now.

Can you explain the feeling of being behind the camera? How does it differ from acting?

When it comes to modeling, I try to express a feeling that doesn’t need to be put in words. In front of the camera, I get to say, “this is who I am, and this is how I feel,” for a moment. Sometimes I look back on old modeling photos of me where I’m just sitting there and smiling. Those are so special to me because that’s just who I was. I don’t think I was trying to say anything about myself at the time. It makes me cringe, but being able to cringe at your past self is important, it means that you’ve grown.

DRESS PRISCAVERA, COAT NOUR HAMMOUR, SANDAL GIVENCHY

That’s a beautiful mindset to have.

That’s the amazing thing about life. We get to be all of these things in life knowing that it’s never the end. We all get to move forward. It’s easy to be immobilized by your past self through embarrassment, but the only answer is knowing that have to honor ourselves within the moment.

Absolutely. You’ve had so many unique experiences and grown through so many layers of yourself, I’m interested, what do you think you’d title this current chapter of your life?

Living in Japan would probably be “Free Falling”. It was just that feeling of jumping and hoping I don’t hit the concrete. But now I feel like I’m in a place where I have a deep appreciation for myself and others. I’m definitely trying to invite the dream world into my life because connecting to that higher power, whatever that might be, is really important to me. The dreams and the creative visions we have are just as important as reality. I don’t want to be obsessed with money or fame or my body. Right now, I just want to get myself out of the cage I built for myself.

DRESS GUCCI, STOCKING GUCCI, NECKLACE & EARRINGS LAUREN’S OWN, LOAFER GUCCI

This past year has definitely given many people the time to reevaluate what’s important. I read a statement from one of your recent Instagram posts regarding the rise in publicized Asian murders and hate crimes. The caption ended in, “Damn why am I so nervous to post this. That’s the problem too.”

The Asian hate crimes made me feel sad and frustrated and I realized that I wanted so desperately to say something. It brought up years of memories where I’ve bit my tongue and not spoken up for myself or someone else and had just accepted things as they were. I went to boarding school for one year in Massachusetts when I was a freshman and that was different for me because I had grown up in Hawaii where there’s a lot of Asian people. Also while working and living in Japan, I very much felt like I could be myself and do what I wanted to do. But coming back to the States after growing up a bit was hard. To hear the way that people spoke about Asian kids at school, specifically the objectification of Asian women and the emasculation of Asian men, was something that hurt so deeply within me because I never felt justified in speaking out against it. I would always go along with it because I thought that other people had it harder. The way that Black people in this country have been oppressed and treated and are still oppressed and treated to this day was something I could never understand and is not even comparable. But I think that we need to understand that someone else’s oppression doesn’t mean we can’t speak about the pain we are feeling as well.

I really believe that the focus needs to be on everyone coming together and being able to advocate for each other and know that this system of white supremacy is hurting us all. I cried so much after the shooting. I was visiting my family in Hawaii and I was balling at the airport because I felt like these women had been erased long before they died. And that is painful. Why does it take these people killed to be recognized? People do things and aren’t even aware of the pain and the hurt. It’s hard for Asian people to sit at home and watch TikToks of white girls appropriating Asian culture and make money off of it when Asian people have been ostracized their whole lives for embracing their culture. It took this violence to become aware of a pain I’d been feeling for a very long time. I hope that people can start viewing others as extensions of themselves. When we do evil upon others or try hurting others, we hurt everyone. I know that there’s enough love in the world to make a change. I think all races of people have felt hurt and maybe it’s partly due to this capitalist society we were born into, but I know there’s a better future for all of us where we feel we don’t need to be in a hierarchy or oppress other people. I do believe we are moving in that direction and that’s something I’m proud to be a part of. We are all connected.

Fashion

Speaking Style and Sound with Lucky Daye

April 19, 2024

The dynamic relationship between fashion and music has constantly intertwined to craft cultural narratives and define identities. The two have always gone hand in hand and so festivals in particular continue to provide a world where melodies meet threads at a captivating intersection.

Before heading west for Coachella, perhaps the most renowned of festivals, we visited adidas's New York headquarters to witness Lucky Daye bless a lucky handful with an intimate acoustic performance. While there we were able to sit down with Lucky, as he donned a classic full tracksuit, and dissect his relationship with music and fashion and how they coexist in his creative process. A week later, as day turned to night in the California desert and the temperature switched up, so did the outfits.

Interview and photos by Dylan Andrews
Main image courtesy of BFA / Zack Hilty

How's your day been?

It's been good, it's been good. It's been great.

When did you get in?

Australian time or American time [laughs]?

I'm from Australia, so you can give me both.

For real?

Yeah I grew up in Perth.

We just left Australia. We landed like two days ago and then we came out here. I think I got here today maybe? Yeah, today 5:00 am.

Damn, the early flight.

The no sleep flight.

Who'd you grow up listening to?

Well from zero to eleven I grew up listening to whatever I had to listen to make my mama happy. But when I was able to listen to music, I went backwards and I listened to, vocally for Stevie Wonder because I admire his voice. I listened and watched a lot of Michael Jackson because I admired the way he could entertain. I felt like D’Angelo was sexy and all of that so I was watching him and Ginuwine. I just felt I liked anything that… I don't want to say 'simple', but when I was little I was always looking for something that made me feel alive or made me feel anything.

So you took different parts from different artists, like the entertainment of Michael Jackson, the sound of Stevie Wonder, that sort of thing?

Yeah, his vocal ability, the tone of D’Angelo, Bill Withers. Even to this day, I'm still learning. I listen to Usher, I'm one of Usher's biggest fans. When he got into the Super Bowl was crazy. But I listen to everybody, but the main person I would say is probably Stevie Wonder.

How do you feel like growing up in New Orleans affected your sound?

Well, New Orleans is a jazz place. So when you think jazz, you just think a gumbo pot of stuff, just a jumble of all types of stuff. And down there it's not too many rules because the rules are kind of misconstrued and mixed up. So my sound is basically that. I'm big on not being conformed into a box and using everything that I have to make a mixture or potion of who Lucky Daye is every time I do an album. And this one is a whole new vibe.

Did growing up there affect your style, the way you dress, the way you present yourself, carry yourself?

Definitely. Being in New Orleans, we was poor, so I had a lot of hand-me-downs and I think that definitely affected, it taught me how to put stuff together that people that knew how to buy expensive stuff couldn't see. So I was able to wear whatever and figure out how to make that look good or wear shoes that was too big, and then wear a jacket that's too big too to make it look like it fit.

Was there anyone you looked up to style-wise for inspiration?

Nah, I just got all my big brother’s clothes.

There wasn't someone that had you like, ‘damn, I want to dress like that'?

Nah. I couldn't get that stuff.

What about moving to Atlanta? Did that affect your sound and the way you dressed or was that already established by the time you moved there?

Nah, pretty much in Atlanta, I didn't really care about fashion too much. I never cared about being attractive. I never thought I was attractive until my music came out and people were like, “oh, you sexy.” So in my mind still, I don't grasp the idea of it, but I do grasp the idea of beauty and art as far as the clothes. And Atlanta, it showed me a different expression. Everybody was just doing what they wanted to do.

Everything would be kind of baggy and then you'll go over here and everything is kind of tight. Then you'll go over here and this dude will make a girl shirt look masculine. And then that became something else like, okay, I don't have to use the hand-me-downs to mix stuff up. I can mix all types of stuff. Everything goes. In New Orleans, you can't mix Adidas and something else. In Atlanta you could do that. You could throw anything together. So that expanded my brand sense I think. And once I got to LA, using that along with the hand-me-downs conscious of just throwing stuff together, and all the thrift stores they have around, I learned how to put stuff together in my own unique way.

Obviously you got on the tracksuit now. Are you usually dressing for comfort or style or it’s a mix?

I never dress for comfort. I like a challenge and I guess feeling like something hurts me makes me feel like I'm making progress or it is a challenge or something I have to fight through. I never go on stage comfortable. And if I do go on stage comfortable, it's probably with no shirt at all. If I'm not wearing something fly… like, this Adidas, this is crazy. I would throw this on stage, take a shirt off from underneath and just be as comfortable as I want to be on stage. But on stage I'm not concerned about comfort too much. If it hurts, it's going to hurt tomorrow because of this momentum feeling, I don't feel nothing. I don't feel nothing on stage.

How do you feel like your style and what you're wearing influences your creativity, your mood, how you're feeling that day? Do you feel like that's an extension of your creativity?

It's definitely an exterior expression of what I feel inside. I try to let the music speak for itself. So every album, if I'm singing something that's kind of uplifting, I wear something uplifting or singing something sexy, I'll just wear… I may have my back cut out here or back cut out there.

You’ll do the backless?

Oh, I've done the backless. Don't judge me.

Nah, that's what’s up. I’ve always said the best dressed men blur that line between masculinity and femininity.

But honestly, remembering my childhood, the only brand that I wore was adidas because it was there, it was everywhere. The shell toes. We just ran it like that.

The shell toes was an iconic era.

And especially in Atlanta, it's a thing out there. Yeah. So that's when I really got tapped into adidas in Atlanta. So I know a lot about adidas. I'm a style head. I'm a fashion head. I know about the two brothers, I have the big adidas book, I know about how they started it.

That’s cool because a lot of people be putting brands on and have no idea about the history.

I'm into it because I really do love fashion and if I want to be comfortable, I'm putting on adidas. They have the best tracksuits. You've never seen nobody with a tracksuit that could beat adidas. Even in the A’ everywhere. All the dope boys got ‘em. They got it.

Yeah?

Yeah, they got ‘em. That's how you know.

Fashion

Can Indie Sleaze be Black?

April 19, 2024

What people are now calling Indie Sleaze (a term coined on TikTok in 2021), was characterized by flash party photography (à la Terry Richardson or Cobrasnake), skimpy clothes, and a grungy, sloppy overall style that felt as if people just threw whatever on to leave the house. Perfect-imperfection was in: smudged liner, messy hair, dingy clothes — people just didn’t seem to give a shit, or at least, wanted to be perceived as such. However, somehow, the era became associated with skinny white girls (Sky Ferreira, Cory Kennedy, Kate Moss) and with whiteness overall.

Photography Sophia Wilson
Text Sahir Ahmed
Styling Gigi Fernandez
Hair John Novotny
Makeup Asami Matsuda
Nails Marbles
Prop Stylist Milena Gorum
Lighting Bando Abreu
Production Raquel Michel
Styling assistant Yasmen Tiby, Jessica Andersonn
Prop assistant Crystal Geller
Production assistant Sophie Collongette
Models: Alanna Arrington, Aŋëër Amol, Vanessa Sarah Maria Strauss
And a special thanks to WSA NYC and La Esquina

Aŋëër wears top and skirt by MINDBLOWN, shoes by AMAZON

Born in 2000, photographer Sophia Wilson, who started shooting and working professionally at just 12 years old, describes her work as Indie Sleaze because “that’s just what photography was during that time.” Yet, being so young and “one of the only Black female photographers” in the space, she feels her work didn't get enough appreciation. She says, "I think there’s something to be said about growing up in the original era of Indie Sleaze and being part of that original wave and seeing it become so trendy again.”

Sophia continues, “Looking at Indie Sleaze now made me realize how white it is as an aesthetic. I think about the aesthetic and these skinny white girls come to mind, but I don’t think at the core of it, that’s what Indie Sleaze needs to be. For me, it’s about the bright flash, the tones, the pops of color, the poses and the fashion.” Together we created these images to pose the question “Can Indie Sleaze be Black?” and below chat about specific references (Coyote Ugly, Spring Breakers), Indie Sleaze’s resurgence, and even evolution, as something everyone can be a part of.

Aŋëër wears top and skirt by MINDBLOWN, shoes by AMAZON

Alanna wears top by OTTOLINGER, shoes by DAVID KOMA; Alanna wears jacket and bra by SEKS, panty hose by AMAZON, shoes by R13, Aŋëër wears top and skirt by MINDBLOWN, shoes by AMAZON, Sarah wears full look MASHA POPOVA

office — So how would you describe Indie Sleaze?

Sophia Wilson — I think that traditionally the elements of Indie Sleaze are skimpy clothes, bright flash, so corny that it's not corny.

So bad that it's not bad.

Exactly. You have to be in it to understand it. Otherwise, it looks insane. I think about kow-rise, skinny, torn-up jeans, cigarettes, whatever was on Tumblr.

Coyote Ugly.

I would even say Spring Breakers, or old-school Brooke Shields movies.

Yeah, it's all the same vibe, really.

Sarah wears top and shoes by DSQUARED2, shorts and hat by AMAZON, Aŋëër wears corset, panties, shawl by ROOM SERVICE, shoes and socks by AMAZON

Any clothing references? I say anything that looks like it costs $10 from a thrift even if it’s Hedi Slimane’s Saint Laurent.

Yeah like Abercrombie & Fitch, all of those ads. Maybe even Brandy Melville. It’s crazy because Brandy was so popular and trending in that era. I feel like I was the first kid ever to go to Brandy Melville, and then all of a sudden I was shooting for Brandy Melville. I was a Brandy Melville photographer when I was 12, and now so many years have passed. Then, all of that crazy shit about Brandy Melville comes out. Everybody knew it was a one-size-fits-all, you had to be skinny to shop Brandy. Now there are so many documentaries and articles about the mistreatment and the racism but all of sudden, all of the club kids and Dimes kids are unironically shopping Brandy Melville.

Right. Almost like the slate’s been wiped clean. It’s interesting because, with the original era, people were adopting an aesthetic and styles based on the ’80s and ‘90s. This iteration of ‘Indie Sleaze’ is copying the ‘00s and ‘10s. It’s really funny. Like sneaker heels, hello? Back then it was lowkey cringe, now it’s so hot.

Yep. Isn't that insane? Oh, also a lot of leather and fur. Brands like Diesel and DSQUARED2 are making comebacks because of this. Or even how Miu Miu has leaned into this bright-flash/quirky style with the nerdy glasses and super, super mini skirts. It almost reminds me of Abercrombie, but in the best way.

Or black eyeliner under the eye, tramp stamps. It’s all coming back. What were some of the elements you tried to incorporate?

I did a lot of searching through my old Tumblr and found so many accounts from the 2010s. The photo in the series where all their hair is braided together was a reference from when I was 11 or 12 using Instagram. I remember that being a trend, and beyond that, I asked myself the question, “Is Indie Sleaze inherently tied to whiteness and skinniness, or are people just misinterpreting it?” I’ve never really seen Indie Sleaze on Black people before and honestly, I don’t know if it’s going to stray so far away from the aesthetic that it just no longer is… but I focused a lot on cooler tones than warmer, high contrast, skimpy clothes, long, dramatic hair.

Tumblr was so crazy. The original moodboard, now it’s Pinterest but we should bring Tumblr back.

So insane. I would not be surprised if Tumblr had a revival.

It is interesting how the original era coincided with an economic recession (2008) and its resurgence came out of this post-pandemic period where everyone’s depressed and talks about an impending recession keep surfacing. Ultimately, it’s still about indulgence and ignoring your problems.

Exactly.

In our time, there is so much more representation in mainstream media that it's inevitable for more Black people taking part in this generation's iteration of Indie Sleaze to be visible.

Exactly. And I’d go as far as saying that Indie Sleaze was originally invented by Black People but they never got the spotlight on it. They got excluded from it, and it feels very intentional.

Right. I think about how popular it was amongst rock bands and the exclusionary atmosphere that can exist in that realm.

Totally. And so much of the makeup aesthetics were very much from Black people: the big lips, big eyes, even getting your edges done, I see white girls doing it now.

Yeah, that’s crazy.

I think that this photo series proves that Indie Sleaze can be Black, and I don't know why it's only been associated with white, skinny people. It can be on anybody, and I hope that encourages people to take up a lot more space. That said, it has changed, party photography is so much more diverse. It’s refreshing to see. Taking it a step further is proving that anybody can adopt this aesthetic.