I feel when looking at your work, it's like being brought into your inner workings and the world that goes on inside of your head. It's very intimate. How would you describe what your head space looks like in this state of mind, when you're creating?
It's quite heavy. Riddled with anxiety at the start, when I'm feeling an emotion so deeply — which I basically feel all of them deeply. So a lot of the paintings start from a dark place, but as soon as I've confronted that, it almost pours out of me onto the canvases. And often, it's quite hard to go to that headspace, to paint. And I don't wanna be an artist that always has to go to that emotional state to paint. I don't think that's very healthy, so I'm trying not to do that all the time. That's where the lightness comes in. But at the same time, my studio is the place where I can do that and explore my darkest fears, but also my biggest dreams and biggest loves. Whatever emotion it is, I'm trying to channel it to the highest saturation.
And once you work through that, there has to be an immense sense of relief.
It's such a relief. I'm looking back at this show in New York with James and one in January with my London gallery, and I'm reflecting on how I even made that work with what I was going through. But at the same time, painting's the only thing that's always there for me, you know? The best feeling is that I've been able to turn those emotions into something creative or beyond what they were originally.
Your pieces are so multifaceted and there's so much that you can interpret from them. But there were some elements, down to specific brush strokes or patterns, that I noticed carried over within certain pieces. Is that intentional?
Definitely. I use this sort of criss-cross pattern or singular brush stroke.
Yeah, that's the one I noticed.
I've been using it for a couple of years. That started off as a representation of the depth of agony or anxiety, but it's ended up as something that just represents a growing energy that's trying to reach out and touch everything. And I find it quite a scary mark because it can end up taking over everything. But when I'm painting it, there's this kind of push and pull friction of, 'How far is it gonna go? How much is it gonna take over the canvas?’ Or is it just gonna linger in the corner? Sometimes in domestic spaces, you can feel the energy. There's just something there. So it just represents that feeling that it could take over at any time.
You really do feel this energy in the exhibition and it draws onlookers in. I think in that way, it also appeals to the senses. You know, it comes alive off of the canvas. There are not only emotions that come with that, but maybe even a smell or a certain feeling.
Exactly. I can feel it crawling over my body or I can imagine that that's where it started. I used to just do it in darker tones. But I guess with some of the lighter tones I'm using with that stroke now, I'm trying to think about how the dark energies aren't always what they seem.
Yeah, or they can be understood or spun to not always have that dark connotation. I also appreciated that along with this very sensory experience, there's also a textural element, especially with your use of fur. I was very curious about your use of color as well. Do certain colors represent certain emotions within your work? Have you now reconsidered the colors you use when you are feeling a certain way?
Yeah, I've definitely reconsidered and re-adjusted my scale of color in relation to my scale of emotions. When you're young at school, they teach you that red is angry. I've never felt that — I've always somehow been aware that emotions and colors aren't that simple. It's not black and white in a sense. So I really developed my own scale of emotions in relation to color, but at the same time, nothing is set in stone, and everything's fluid. Yellow in particular symbolizes hope for me, at the moment. I find it a really healing color. I'm also really drawn to red and pink; it's that kind of warmness that we talked about. But, they can be so violent as well. So I'm interested in the extremes of those colors. They can be nurturing, but brutal at the same time.