Haich Ber Na Is Doing It His Way
You're putting out a project. It's like a part of you that you've been working on for the past few months. What's the feeling like?
You know what? It's a normal feeling. When I started making music, when I was very young, the first song, first beat I ever made, I put straight onto YouTube the day I made it. So it feels wrong if I don't put it out at this point. I know with some artists, they don't like the idea of letting go of it. But for me, it's literally what I did from the first thing I ever made, when I was like 14. Soulja Boy generation, man.
How do you respond to negative feedback? Say you put out the project and no one likes it. What do you do if you like it yourself?
I would love that. I don't have enough of it. I want more of that. I want more of that because if I get too many compliments, it feels like I'm in some sort of false sense of reality, or feedback loop. I don't want to be in some sort of positive feedback loop. I ain't going to get better. I don't mind if someone hates it. That's better than them not feeling anything.
Do you embrace the title of experimental or surrealist? Those are two things I see you get called a lot, in magazines and online. I wonder if you would call yourself those things, too.
I wouldn’t call myself that, but I’m not offended either. It's a nice compliment. It's cool. Being experimental is cool, it's fresh. Hopefully it means it's exciting. But I would never call myself that. I just prefer not to give myself any title, apart from artist. If you call me surrealist, that's a dope compliment. But I would never say to anyone, "Yeah bro, the man's a surrealist."
In your song “Sick of Me,” which came out recently, there's a lyric where you say that you've been “falling back again.” I wonder how often you feel like that. Whether it's musically or personally, like you're falling back into something.
I feel like that sometimes. You might one day wake up and think you're shit at doing whatever you do. And then you have to remind yourself, no, that's not what I'm like. I’m good. Then you might fall back into it. You know what I mean?
You mentioned that some days you feel like you're bad at what you do, and other days you feel like you're good. How have you been feeling as of late?
There'll usually be one or two days I feel imposter syndrome, but one or two out of 30 is good. I'm trying to keep it there. That would be a great level. If I got to just have one or two of those days a month, forever, I think that's manageable.
What do you think you’re an imposter to?
Being a music artist. 'Cause no one really teaches you how to be an artist. So, you never really know when you truly are one. I mean, you truly are one when you make art. That's it, even if it's a profession or it's not a profession. Musician? I don't even play no music, bro. I can't read music. Yeah. I don't know chords or anything, which is like, I will eventually learn, I feel like maybe when I do a second album. I haven't even got my first out yet, but for the second album, I think I would learn music. But for the first one, I want it to be as free as possible.
Right now, I feel free because I don't know the rules. Everything's just feeling at the moment. So, my songs are just feeling and I enjoy it. But I know eventually, it'll be beneficial to have more of an idea what I'm doing.
Did you always have your creative intuition?
I've definitely had the same thoughts from a kid. It was super. All I cared about was drawing cartoons and making projects. Everything was a project. You know on the end of a toilet roll where, when's the roll's all done and you get the tube? I used to draw different faces on those tubes. Then I'd stack them on the shelf in my house. I must've had maybe 40. My mom would kill me because I would be in the toilet, just flushing that paper down the toilet. I'm sorry to the environmentalists, but bro, I was just trying to get to that tube.
You would take the whole fresh roll and take all the paper off?
I'd be trying to get it off quicker because I'm trying to... Bro, when I get obsessed with a project, I'm like, I'm trying to get that brown tube so I can draw that picture, the face on it and add it to this group of 40. Then when it's all done, I had 40 of them, all with different faces. I think I just threw them away. I think I just threw them in the bin, but that felt good. I got obsessed with it. It's the same shit now.
You didn't take any kind of picture? You didn't do anything to preserve it?
Maybe if I ask my mom, she might have a picture, but I don't have a picture. Yeah, I don't know. I never really cared about stuff like that.
You just cared about making it?
That’s the best part. I love releasing music. It's great. It feels good when people see it and find it, but making it, that's the point. That's the whole point.
Did anyone ever push back on you pursuing art?
No, because I just didn't tell anyone. I was too worried that everyone around me who loves me would try and switch it off. “Oh, yeah. You're making your beats. You're selling a few beats. What else? Yeah. You like that, right?” “Yeah, that’s my hobby,” kind of thing. When I had some more money or I did something in music that was slightly more corporate, that I could show to those people, then I started being like, "Hey, yeah, I think I'm going to keep doing this. I'm going to keep doing this."
People told me, "Oh, I'm a bit worried about how that works," but at that point, I was in it.