Kevin Abstract

office– Where’s the name come from?

Suzy Clue– I went through a really heavy 70’s rock phase, inspired by the people around me. It was kind of ironic, because it’s so American sounding, and I just find it funny how American sounding it is, despite how much I don’t actually really connect to American culture like that even though, for the most part, I grew up in America. I’ve always felt like an alien in a lot of ways. American things are funny to me. They feel like movies.

The first version of the name — Suzy and the Clues — has this 70’s sound to it, riffing on Johnny and the Heartbreakers, Siouxie and the Banshees. But I didn’t have consistent Clues. So I was like, “Fuck it. I make all the music. It’s just me.”

How did you start making music?

I was 21 and at first, I was just trying to learn how to play. I was trying out different instruments and one of them was guitar. I was learning covers and then I just started doing it. I used to do this thing when I was younger — my brother was kind of a know-it-all, and so every time I’d ask him if he’d heard of a song, he’d always be like, “Yeah. I already know this song. I heard it a week ago.” So I used to come up with fake songs on the spot and sing them and he’d ask me, “What are you singing?” And I’d be like, “You don’t know this song?” And he’d be like, “No, I heard it a week ago” [laughs] I think it started there.

How has your sound evolved? You said you were in a band and that didn’t really pan out?

Even when I had a band, I just kind of hired guys to play live with, but I always knew what sound I wanted, I just didn’t know how to do it because I sucked at playing [laughs]. So, I’d listen to my favorite songs and from there I learned some techniques as to how I could emulate that sound, bring it closer to the sound profile that’s always been in my head.

You got this shoegaze, goth rock-y thing going on. And — this isn’t to say you aren’t technically skilled — but that sound lends itself to not needing to be the most meticulous guitar player.

I hear you’re flipping between London and New York.

Yeah. I'm actually going back to London on the 29th of this month because I'm playing bass for Viji and she's doing a UK tour. And then I'm coming back; I’ve been back and forth between London and New York for two years now.

Do you think that the music you're writing in London is different than what you're writing in New York?

I think I'm more reclusive in New York, so it does actually affect my music, but London was where I was able to actually feel fully accepted in a lot of ways, so I was able to flesh more of myself out, in the way that felt right for me musically — because I felt so supported by the environment there.

And why do you think that London felt so much more accepting than New York?

It's probably just different for everyone. I got really lucky. I randomly pulled up to London and met the best people. I was like, “This is great. I've never felt this in my life.” You know how you can be in different crowds and think, “Ok, I don’t fit in here.” Then suddenly you meet someone, it just clicks and it feels like you've known them for ages — that's what London felt like for me, but I still love New York. I'm kind of from here, so there's a special place for it in my heart. In New York, I just experienced way more pushback as an artist; I didn’t get as much support or understanding for my music. It's random, I just got lucky in London — for some reason, they just like my music more.

I hope people in New York aren't saying that you suck!

They used to [laughs]

Really? What was that about?

I think a lot of it was that I did suck! [laughs] I was just starting and I didn't know what I was doing. I was writing songs on Ableton and Logic without even knowing how songs worked. I didn't even listen to rock music until I was 21, until the time that I started writing, because I didn’t grow up with any music culture like that. I only grew up with Albanian stuff and the radio — Rihanna, Lil Wayne, Nicki, that's all I knew.

LEFT: SUZY wears TOP and SHOES by BEN DOCTOR, PANTS by GAUNTLETT CHENG

RIGHT: SUZY wears SHOULDER PADS and UNDERWEAR by SH4ME, BRA by ARAKS, SHOES by BEN DOCTOR, EARRINGS by USELESS OBJECTS, and GLOVE by SUPREME 

I remember one of the first few songs I wrote, I showed it to my friend, and I was like, “Hey, what do you think?” And she was like, “You need to add a bassline” and I was like, “What's that?” [laughs] I just had no idea. So a lot of it sounded bad. So to all those people who said I sucked — fair enough. But also, maybe people in New York are harsher critics.

I will say, the first musicians I started hanging out with, and the people that I was learning music from — they were all jazz musicians. So, that in itself screwed me over — becasue they are the most critical people, even when they were doing things that were so fucking random [laughs] Not to shit on jazz at all — they just weren’t really fucking with my stuff. If I was lucky enough to meet more singer-songwriters early on, I would have had probably a different experience, probably more encouragement. Not all the jazz people were bad, but it sticks with you.

Of course — especially if you're just starting. Because honestly, when you're first starting, you kind of need those first few months to be like kind of bad and still have people telling you to keep going.

Until now, I’ve never had any type of support for my music. I’m really surprised I didn’t quit, because very rarely did someone have something nice to say about my music.

You also might have just been talking to the wrong people.

Maybe. But I'm also talking about music that I used to have on Soundcloud that even I took down, that nobody knows about.

The Suzy Clue deep cuts. Do they sound anything like “Remember Me?”

No, I was still trying to figure everything out. “Remember Me” is when I figured out how to get that rough sound that I was always trying to get. I used to not know how to do that on guitar before, so would actually sing a melody with my voice, record it, and distort the fuck out of it. So it almost sounded like an electric guitar, and that was how I got that sound– because I didn't know how to do it. That's it. In my old music, it’s this janky version of me trying to make it sound like tough and hard but I just didn't know how. And I’m still learning.

Talk to me about “Remember Me.” Did you write it in New York or London?

I actually wrote that in London. It’s a heartbreak song — just a heartbreak song.

Since writing and releasing, has your perspective on the situation changed? Have your thoughts on love changed since then, or do you still feel that you’re in that mental space?

Absolutely it’s changed. But I think, anytime something happens where vulnerable feelings may arise, I kind of jump back to that. In this song I’m singing, “Don’t you think I’m enough? Didn’t you used to be in love?” And I think, when something like a rejection or a heartbreak happens, you instantly go back to that place of thinking that you’re not good enough. I’m not in that place right now, thank god. Those feelings are temporary, and eventually you can come out of it and realize that sometimes things just don’t work out because they don’t work out. And you can realize that whatever person is making you feel this way, maybe they’re kind of lame and not worth your time. But if I ever experience heartbreak again, I know that I'll probably dive right back into that state, because I think that's just the human experience, you know.

Even just the title of the song, “Remember Me” it’s like you’re talking to the person that you were in love with. But also, the way that the body remembers the feelings you once felt. It's hard to forget heartbreak, no matter how much time and distance you have from it.

Absolutely. The feeling in your body doesn’t really go away, you just evolve through it. And the song in a lot of ways is for women. We have just way more pressure to be good enough — blaming yourself is something that we're trained to do from a young age.

LEFT: SUZY wears SHOULDER PADS and UNDERWEAR by SH4ME, BRA by ARAKS, SHOES by BEN DOCTOR, EARRINGS by USELESS OBJECTS, GLOVE by SUPREME

RIGHT: SUZY wears DRESS by AREA, SHOES by DSQUARED2, BRA by ARAKS, EARRINGS by USELESS OBJECTS 

This song as a heartbreak song is super interesting. When people write about longing and heartbreak, it usually has a very distinct sound. Mellow, maybe some guitar — very Phoebe Bridgers, but I really like this, because when you’re heartbroken, it’s not just a peaceful sadness. It’s fucked up. It’s destructive.

Yeah, this definitely represents the rage you feel when someone just randomly gives up on you, or disappears and abandons you and the love you have. There’s an element of asking, “What the fuck? Hello? What just happened? You were in love with me a week ago — why did that change?” And that’s when you start blaming yourself, asking what you did wrong, asking what happened. But at the same time, you want to shake the other person and be like, “I was a person in your life! Do you not remember that?!”

It’s all grief and anger toward yourself and the other person. Because on the one hand, you’re mad at them for throwing it all away, and on the other hand you’re angry at yourself for the possibility that something you did made them want to throw it all away.

Sometimes we blame ourselves for being heartbroken. We’re like, “I don’t wanna feel this right now.” You rationally understand that you have nothing to blame yourself for, but you don’t feel that way.

You’re mad at yourself for being weak. I think in a lot of ways, this song represents both ends of that — feeling weak and feeling strong enough to confront the person. The song feels very confrontational to me. I start singing very softly, asking “Am I still on your mind? Do you still remember me?” I’m asking everything very sweetly, until I become confrontational. I’m like, “You used to be in love!”

Talk to me about the music video — you’re walking through a party, it’s really fun and cute. I wouldn’t have pictured that with a song as thrashy as this one. I like it.

Thank you! I am so glad you noticed that, because that was on purpose. I feel like there's a certain type of music video that happens with this kind of music, and I just wanted to veer away from it and be in my pop girl moment, you know what I mean?

I wanted to represent the themes of the song in a way that’s also relatable — you could be having these thoughts of heartbreak, and then you're at a party, drunk, run into that person and are like “Fuck."

I mean, I know this term has been beat to death by the internet, but the music video and the song is a very accurate representation of feminine rage. It’s like when you’re out with your friends, and under the table, you’re having the worst phone argument with someone over text, but you just have to smile through it and ask for a spicy marg, as if you’re not on the verge of tears.

Yeah, totally. That's why there were those other scenes of me on the beach — those were more intense, more dramatic. The whole thing is very dramatic — I’m on the beach, doing these dances and thrashing around. It represents my inner turmoil that other people can’t necessarily see. I just want to be a hot emo girl! [laughs]