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344 Days of Marie Tomanova

Other than the year of taking daily self-portraits, how would you define your 2022?

 

Wow.

You took an editorial approach to capturing yourself daily, staying true to your expertise. About your Self Portraits in Nature series, you claimed self-portraits must be nude so there’s less layers to hide behind. How do you use clothes to hide and from what?

 

I am not sure what an editorial approach is; but that categorization doesn’t feel quite right to me, for whatever reason—the project was driven by the concept, the idea of the self-portrait, and consistency. And it wasn't a documentary. Maybe it was about finding myself for myself, or showing myself to myself, for myself. I really felt that in 2021, I had wandered far from having a sense of creativity in my life, so I decided to take a photograph a day for myself. But the consistency was so hard; it really went against my personality; it went against what I visualize as creativity. And maybe that is why I ended-up nude in so many of the images. I was being free against what I had set as a constraint, i.e. the idea of a photograph a day. Maybe I was rebelling against that rule I had set for myself.

What inspired each image composition for the day? Were these ideas you'd been wanting to capture or did the day's events lead to the photograph?

 

Some days I was super excited to take photographs, and some days I dreaded it. But I had to take photographs because that is what I set out to do. There was no overriding inspiration for the day — the photograph would just happen when it was meant to happen.

I saw this garden in which no matter where you stand you can only see 14 of the 15 rocks that are there, and I thought about this incompleteness of identity and really the folly of completeness or really knowing yourself, or anyone else.

The project is titled Three Empty Weeks in July because you took a consistent break from taking portraits for that time. Yet, this detail emphasizes the theme of human imperfection and the incompleteness of identity. What halted your progress halfway through after staying consistently dedicated, and what motivated the revival?

 

The ideas of imperfection and incompleteness of identity really emerged in a powerful way through the process of doing this work. And they were something I did not expect. They were not the aim of the project. I found taking a photograph a day to be very difficult at times — like I said earlier, I am not disciplined in that way. I think for some people, such a project would be easy, but for me it was not. And that I was having a hard time is something that was difficult for me to accept about myself—I wanted it to be different. I wanted each day to be a wonderful creative experience that would fill me with deep joy and fulfillment — haha — but it was more like a sword over my head at times, and not in a medieval erotic, or sexy way. But I kept going because I don’t give up.

 

And then, I just kind of… stopped. And then I was devastated, and then I knew I had to start again. So I did. And I was in Japan and I had tried to get to Ryōan-ji (a Zen rock garden) in Kyoto every time I was in Japan, but I was always so busy in Tokyo with exhibitions, book launches, etc., that I never went. But I finally did in 2022, and I saw this garden in which no matter where you stand you can only see 14 of the 15 rocks that are there, and I thought about this incompleteness of identity and really the folly of completeness or really knowing yourself, or anyone else. And I was inspired. That idea of something being missing went from a sense of loss to a sense of truth.

How much time did you find yourself dedicating to this project daily? Did you find the photos getting in the way of living? Or living because of the photos?

 

The time spent would all depend; it could be 60 seconds — see a photograph, feel a moment, done. Or it could linger all day, searching, searching, sometimes with half-attention, waiting for that moment, that place, that idea, that feeling. I am not sure I ever lived for the photographs—they got in the way too much for that. Some days I would be very creatively driven, and some days I would be in despair.

With social media and phones, many people choose to document their life — from the routine to the extreme — in digital photos. Do you think people should spend the time and effort taking photos of their daily life, including themselves? What is the balance between living in the moment and preserving the moment to live in again?

 

I definitely think my phone does not add to the quality of my life. People should do whatever makes them happy. I am moving further and further away from social media. I walk most mornings in Central Park with my tiny little dog and I am so in the moment — today I smelled some roses and watched her swim and fought with her over a stick, and found $60 in the grass, which was the most money I have ever found. For me, these walks are perfect, and I am in the moment. And sometimes, I take photos on my phone so I can share with others these moments, and I guess remember them sometime in the future. The balance between living in the moment and preserving the moment is the balance.

I think it's a human instinct to preserve fleeting things. Good memories preserved in pictures to access later like a physical memory, youth preserved in polaroids, faces known preserved on film, photos themselves preserved in physical album books and digital backup drives. This project preserves yourself everyday for a year. Would you agree, and if so, where do you think our desire to preserve stems from? Alternatively, tell us any thoughts on the art of letting go.

 

I am so good at letting go. And I wonder if my background has something to do with it. I am from a place — Sudetenland — where there was so much displacement since the 1930s. First it was the Germans and then it was the Communists. Back and forth people were driven from their homes. I didn’t experience that firsthand, but it has been baked into the generation of people there. And I wonder if that filters into me somehow. And I also wonder if why I take photographs is because no one took many photographs of me growing up — I have very few. And yet I am obsessed with taking photographs and they are about self, and memory, and place, and home, and displacement, and of people to who I somehow relate — an empathic mirroring.

Home is a recurring theme in your work and something else I think humans are obsessed with the preservation of. We all have the home we’re born into and a home we build for ourselves. You are home to Europe but built a home in NYC; what sensation does “home” give you? What sensation did you feel when you knew you had found it?

 

​I am still so confused by this idea of home. And for me, almost on a daily basis, I still feel torn, or at least pulled, between places. Place and home has been such a big part of my work. My 2018/19 It Was Once My Universe work was all about returning home to Czech after being unable to go back for 8 years and the disjunction I found being there — I had been gone too long, but also I hadn’t; it was still home. I had changed. And these themes are still ones I work with regularly, as recently as a museum show in Czech in which I unpacked the archive of my room into the space of the museum. I wonder how Three Empty Weeks relates to ideas of home.

Did the project help reveal something about your own life/self to you?

 

I travelled a lot in 2022. Sometimes, I look back and I cannot believe how much I have done — and I see it in the photographs. Photographs are magical in so many ways. It is easy to forget that today. The biggest thing the project revealed to me is this idea of the never complete self and the acceptance of that as the process of living — that is growing.

From so much time taking and analyzing pictures of yourself, did you grow closer to your body/appearance or did you find it more foreign?

 

This is actually something I do not think about, but it is a great question to think about in terms of one’s body and their relationship to it. And it is a very difficult question to think about. The relationship people have with their own bodies is so personal.

 

I intentionally shot the entire series on instant film. So it exists the way it was photographed, no changes, no tweaks, no retouching. I wanted to capture and see myself as I am. My goal is to continue this body of work and photograph myself for a year every five years. It’s a mission that I am excited about even though I know I will struggle with it. But the longevity concept in projects are very valuable to me. And I think over time it will bring even more questions about self acceptance. Or maybe not. We will see.

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