Anyways I'm Not Alone
Aida Tepe — We are not like best friends. More like roommates. Or even siblings… [laughs] It’s not like we talk about everything. I'm not keeping anything secret, but there are just certain things we do not need to share. Like you wouldn’t share everything with your roomie, even if you knew that you could. I like to call her Dudu. Like with a fat American accent, “Duuuduuu”, Like she does when she introduces herself when we’re abroad. I get a lot of fun, entertainment even, out of teasing her. And that’s when we end up shouting at each other like siblings would.
Ayse Dudu — Now that you are at an age when you’ve grown more into your own person, the lines are more blurred. I’m still your mother, and ultimately the one who set the rules. You’re my daughter, but also my friend. But I’m the one who must comfort you – you’re more off the hook when I’m sad. That's probably how it should be.
AT — You are always the one who doesn’t understand the word no. Especially when it comes to posting some funny pic on Instagram. Then I threaten to start crying. And you are so annoying around my friends. Like it’s not a particular thing… it’s just your attitude. And it’s not even mean-spirited, it’s just…
AD — Me being true to me. That has also benefited you, you know.
AT — I know. The age gap. It’s never really been an issue. You are really good at including me, sharing your friends with me, even bringing me to a bachelorette party at 11 where there was a stripper… You never shut me out.
AD — Yeah, and it’s not because I’m “the cool mom” or anything – it just makes sense to us to share things. But you hate it when a waiter flirts with me, and I flirt back…
AT — Absolutely hate it… Especially because this week it was in Turkish, so I didn’t understand any of it. I think those incidents happen so often because people don’t realize that I’m your kid. They think we’re friends, or even lesbian lovers.
AD — I never play into that though. I prefer the roles to be clear to everyone else. That said, I still make fun of the fact that I have a child. Like that is fun. I’m not the mothering kind. Whatever that is. I’m more like your special person with benefits. I treat you exactly like I would treat everyone else – with respect and decency and irony and love. I’m mostly your mom, [for example] when I have to say no to something. The older you get, the more problems we can share and discuss.
AT — I still don’t want to involve you in my love life. Too embarrassing. You are too embarrassing. Your idea of fun is mortifying me [laughs]. But I’ve always enjoyed the freedom you’ve given me. The freedom to have my own opinions, my own thoughts. You’ve never censored me.
AD — I don’t own you. I don’t even want you to share my views. My job is to challenge you to form your own.
AT — And in that respect we are very much alike. Your friends even point it out. We are quite persistent when it comes to debating issues. We disagree on a lot of things, and neither of us can let it go.
AD — We both want to have the final word. Sometimes I let you have it, but that doesn’t mean that you’re right.
AT — I know. Well, I mean I still think I’m right, but I know that I can’t convince you. Sometimes I think we argue just to argue.
AD — We definitely do! We have fun with it. It’s our love language, I guess. We agree on the terms and there is mutual respect. We share fundamental values in life, even if we tend to disagree on a lot of issues.
AT — My friends often point out that you are more like a friend than a mom, and that they have more “motherly” moms. I’ve noticed the same. They’ve got moms who cook dinner and are available at all times. You never cook. You’re more like, “If you want to eat, make something yourself.- And there have been times where you have put your work first. And sometimes, if I’ve been a wreck and you’ve hugged me, then… after 10 minutes you are like, “Okay, that’s enough.’
AD — [Nods] I’m there for you, but I also want you to enable yourself. There’s always food, but I want you to be self-reliant. I’m not your servant.
AT — That’s for sure. If you cook, it’s like pasta or frozen pizza. I’ve sometimes missed the set dinner times. The potatoes and mandatory veggies. But then again, I get that at my dad’s house.
AD — See! It works out like that. You get something entirely different with me. I give you freedom to make your own decisions. I only get genuinely angry if I feel like you are exposing me in front of friends. That’s toxic behavior, and I have zero tolerance for that.
AT — But haven’t you exposed me – like on Instagram – always?
AD — I’ve always respected your boundaries. When we had the whole texting-thing going when you were a tween, and I shared in on Insta, you knew it. Hell, you even benefited from it.
AT — [Laughs] I knew how to earn many bags of Haribo. That was my kind of currency back then.
AD — I stopped sharing our texts when you asked me to.
AT — Sure. That was when it was becoming more of an act. Like, it wasn’t me, but “the child” writing. And I was ready to come into my own on more equal terms. That’s what we do now when we do our podcast together. And this shoot. Projects we both feel excited about.
AD — True. And now we connect on so many levels: discuss skin care routines, social media, fashion.
AT — I love fashion. I love coordinating outfits, making different styles complement each other. You have a very different take on clothes. Like, you have all these really cool things, but then you’ll just throw them on haphazardly. Your closet has so much potential, but you never coordinate anything.
AD — For me, fashion is like journalism; it's just another way of telling stories. It gives me food for thought, and it is about so much more than just what you wear. I’ve learned so much about this industry that is anything but superficial. There are so many skilled, hardworking people here. It doesn’t really surprise me that I’ve become part of it. The team at Balenciaga have become a family of critical thinkers. I have met some amazing people there, and they have really opened my eyes to how amazing fashion is.
AT — For me, they are true norm-breakers. They don’t settle at standing out in the world of fashion, everything they do is a reaction to what is happening on a global scale. They are “Universally Woke”.
AD — And everyone can be part of their tribe, without judgment or hesitation. You just have to be ready to be challenged by them. Everything they do serves a purpose and is so well thought out. I have great respect for that.
AT — Great style is all about not catering to what is popular. Doing your own thing, dressing in whatever suits you, not just following a trend.
AD — It’s about being brave in the world. Style is never about clothes, but about staying curious, experimenting, staying open.
AT — That’s one of the profound qualities I like most about you. You’re good at staying curious and knowing what’s real and what’s not. You’re good at reading people, reading the room. And you have a highly developed bullshit detector.
AD — And I’m so proud that you’ve got a fucking good head on your shoulders, a strong critical sense, and you are extremely thoughtful. You have a strong sense of self, and you have a lot of faith in the world.
AT — I think we are both good at believing in ourselves -- and own up to who we are.
AD— It’s a cliché, only because it’s so true: the biggest act of kindness you can show the world is to love yourself. Only then can you embrace whoever else needs you. Own and love yourself first. And then, stay humble and practise how to say, ‘thank you,’ and, ‘I’m sorry,’ in as many languages as you can.
