BIG FISH

This sort of vulnerability with the self is exactly what inspired our May digital cover—the Intimacy issue. In thinking about what being intimate—both with others and with yourself—means during such strange times, we of course wanted to explore dildos, orgasms, and Chaturbate culture. It is office, after all. 

But we also wanted to move beyond that. What do our current conditions mean in terms of being intimate in all facets of the word—being intimate with your thoughts? With abstraction? With objects or ideas? Do you cringe at your overgrown hair when looking in the mirror and the Snapchat camera? How has isolation played a part in your want or need to be intimate? Have you developed any new intimate relationships while in quarantine? 

We asked 13 subjects to explore these ideas in a series of remotely-shot portraits and videos. We also asked each subject to write a diary entry with this vulnerability in mind.

Come into Charli XCX's digital world.

Charli XCX has been underrated for years. At first, she was a rowdy party girl, singing about dancing on tables, fast cars, and fucking up hotel rooms over pop-punk instrumentals. But there comes a point where that gets old, and when Charli found the likes of progressive-minded producers such as London's A.G. Cook and SOPHIE, she found a way to move her sound into the future, still sing about partying, but also open up through more vulnerable lyrical topics. 

Then quarantine happened. Notoriously a workaholic, Charli took the opportunity to do what every artist strives to do during this period but only someone like her has the chops to actually follow through with. Her goal was simple: complete an entire "quarantine album" in one month's time, collaborating with fans on song titles, choosing beats, and holding weekly Zoom sessions to update her cult-like followers on the album's progress. It was both a blessing and a curse. This process allowed Charli to be ever more intimate with her fans and with herself, and she ended up producing a dynamic album that is arguably her best work yet. But it also exposed some deep-rooted issues about herself to herself re: productivity, overworking, and using these two things as excuses for not confronting her demons. As she writes in her accompanying diary entry, "I feel like I'm applying so much pressure on myself that everything is crumbling around me. I have constant anxiety in my chest on some days. I am so angry when something doesn't go the way I want it. I am consumed with stress. It's not how I want to be and I know this feeling will pass but right now, today in particular, it's really eating me alive." 

This is exactly what our Intimacy issue is about—the sometimes harsh confrontation that comes with being alone with yourself, no distractions, just you and your feelings. For her Intimacy cover, we applied a filter-y, slimy, 3D world onto Charli. 

Watch this video, as well as all the other Intimacy videos, on .show, the new interactive video camera and shoppable video marketplace.