Christian Leave is Becoming an Adult

Read our conversation with Christian below. 

Growing up, you were really religious and your father was a pastor. Can you tell us about that?

I just grew up in the church, it definitely affected who I am today. I still believe in God and stuff, and it was like a community.

I was asking because sometimes that can mean—not all people,  but I know a lot of religious people are sometimes a little bit isolated from things.

Yeah, there's definitely a sense of isolation that comes with that. Like, I wasn't really allowed to listen to most music until like my teen years. I don't know if that has to do with religion, but probably more of my parents saying "we'd rather you wait to listen to things that influence you so you know what it means before you let them influence you."  But yeah, it was a pretty normal upbringing. We moved around a lot.

So that must mean a lot of the things that you're experiencing now are things that in a sense most people would experience in their childhood or like growing up. How does that manifest into your music?

I don't know. I think just my life in general kind of goes right into my music because I have a really hard time with—I like really wished that I was good at writing like objectives of songs. Like songs that were just beside the point of me. But, I tend to just like work from my point of reference, It's cause it's the easiest. And I tend to bury just like everything, like anything that's involved in my emotional life. I just like put in there.

At a certain age, your parents let you listen to nonsecular music, what were the first albums and records that you listened to and how has it shaped the way you listen or make music?

The first album that I had on record—like that I bought on vinyl at like thirteen was Stevie Wonder's ' In Square Circle'. It's not a super popular album, It's not like one of his biggest ones, but it's fantastic, man! It's got some really beautiful melodies and great love songs. And it's like him using like electronic drums, yeah, I don't know. I think that pushed me more into to like really listening to R&B. Like, it shaped my taste in a way. I kind of grew up really liking soulful R&B because southern gospel was a really big part of what was around me, just like the music I listened to. So, I'm drawn to that kind of like swelling, changing, de- changing like melody, you know? 

I know you were on Vine for a while, what made you want to start making music?

I like loved music my entire life, so I kind of always wanted to play an instrument. I very young, like 14, when I started getting like wrapped up in the internet, I was exposed to a lot of just very different cultures. I was able to see like kids who were just making music, someone like Tyler, the Creator who just knew. He had an idea, and that's what he wanted to do, so that's what he did. I really liked that, and I guess it just kind of pushed me into deciding to not wait around. Like, I wasn't going to take a class to learn how to play the guitar, I was like 'Oh, I want to play the guitar.'

So I play the guitar, and then the more I got into learning instruments and stuff, the more I got into the technicality of music and the way people approach it. I heard my church needed a bass player, so I started playing bass for them. And that kind of helps playing with a live band. And then they needed a piano player, so I started learning the piano a little bit more. And then as I kind of started shaping like the basics of what I need to know about playing instruments, I was like 'Oh, I should write my own songs now because that seems like the next move.' So I started trying to do that, and I was really bad for a really long time. I think that just became my expression, it kind of became like what relieved me the most of something, regardless if something amazing just happened. It was like 'Oh, I want to write a song about that.' just to process it and get it out. Or if like something terrible happened or something like complex social situations that I was faced with happened, I was just like 'Oh, this is how I deal with it.'

When you were first started writing music, what did it mean for you at that time? What was that relationship like?

Yeah, I don't know. I wanted to be a lot of things really badly. I wanted to be like all of these artists that I had really admired when I was like 15 or something, like Bon Iver or like Justin Vernon. His first record is like really beautiful folk. It's like really cool and deep, at least it was for me at the time. And obviously, I was really obsessed with it, that's what I wanted to be. I want to be able to like to have that impact on someone else the way it impacted me. Yeah, I think that's why it was definitely just an era of trying to get the show on the road and trying to make something important.

You talked about using music as a release, and I find often that musicians use music as therapy. What were you seeking release from?

I definitely do use it as therapy. I don't know, it really depends, man. Like I listen to My Bloody Valentine a lot, it's something that I've been listening to for a year and a half. It's like really like groggy, distorted, like beautiful songs, I guess. I think like that's more of just like if I'm cooking in the morning, just thinking about things, and just being like super introspective about something.  It's something that I don't really have to pay attention to. It''s like more ambient. But then, like if I'm feeling like really sad, and I want to indulge myself in sadness, and just kind of get it out of the way, I'll listen to 'Drown in my own tears' by Ray Charles. 'Drown in my own tears' Is like one of my favorite songs of all time, and it's got this like big grand chorus and section. The chorus that he sings kind of over and over again is kind of the motif of the song. And then by the end, he kind of opens up with this big gospel group almost that comes behind them. And it's just like this really beautiful bending. It just makes my heart kind of break, It makes me feel sad and I like it.

So on 'Adult', you talked about coming into yourself and talking about your odd path in life. What is the biggest realization you've learned thus far?

Just life in general? I think it's to constantly always be open to change. Like constantly, always be evolving, you know? And to kind of accept that, and that's how life is. And also, no one really knows what's happening, ever. Like everyone is like in the same band trying to navigate. But, I don't know, like that might be obvious or it might just sound dumb.

No, that was great. Change is really hard to come across and deal with. It's especially hard for me because I am a Taurus, so I do not like change. What's your sign?

I am a Taurus!

Oh, we're the same. So, often the label 'bedroom pop' is attached to your name a lot. But when I listened to your music, I hear so much R&B influence and sometimes even folk. There are just so many genre-bending factors going into your music. So, how do you feel being attached to that label? What's your relationship with the title 'bedroom pop?'

I think it isn't a kind of important thing, for me at least. When I was starting it, or when I really kind of getting into it, I went by my real name. I put out this one project when I was like 16 or something, it was like five songs. I had done that in a studio for the first time, and I had kind of just like written these really bad songs. Actually, they're like good songs, you know, they're okay. But they're not my favorite. It's just like I was young, you can tell that I was young and they mean something, but they don't really mean anything. I kind of grew up a little bit and like the years following I decided, I was like 'Oh, if I want to really communicate some like artistry, I need to like focus in on it.' 

I was living in Texas at the time and I kind of had been in a slump. I had been like home for a year. I wrote this album like literally just in my bedroom, I produced it myself, and it's not good. I mean, I like it, I think it's great. But by any means, It's not a great piece of work because I did it. I didn't know what I was doing, and I think that's kind of cool. I think there's also like a scene of kids who are also all trying to do the same thing at the same time, you know? They're trying to make the music that they wanted to make without any connection to anything else. Like, I am my only resource, so I have to use that right now. I think it's cool. I think there is a little more to it than just like kid-in-bedroom-make-music. So sometimes it can feel a little like undercutting, you know?

Yeah, because when I was listening, I was like 'Oh, maybe I have the wrong idea of what bedroom pop is.' But, I also think there's such an obsession with putting things inside boxes without realizing that there can be duality in each genre. So I mean, they really don't mean anything at the end of the day.

Yeah, they don't, especially now. There's so many new versions of like every single genre, it's so nuanced. You can't really call anything, "anything," unless it's like a blatant classic, you know?

So do you plan on moving into any other genres? Do we hear a trap album from Christian?

Probably not a trap album, but maybe a more like R&B focused album or EP project. Right now I have been into the idea of like bands lately, like My Bloody Valentine. Just like being a young kid and having your favorite band. It's like you woke up in the morning, you're like in your underwear, you stretch out, you get some clothes on your floor, and put on some album by your favorite band. I really like that idea because I'm like that. If I get really obsessed with a group, it's like I just listen to them constantly and like find my favorite songs and play them over and over again. And I try to learn as much as I can about them. So I've been like heading more in like a shoegaze-y direction with this project. After 'adult', I have this like project I've been working on that is just more of this like shoegaze-y like band feel music for teenage me.

So you talk about not being embarrassed or your parents teaching you to not be embarrassed. Is there any advice you can give on how not to be embarrassed?

I feel like at least for me, there's like different kinds of embarrassment. There's like embarrassment in like messing up, like stuttering or something. And then you feel like your diction is like falling apart or something. Like I get embarrassed from that, you know? But that is more of like something you can't really control.

But I think it's more of when people make you feel embarrassed when you do something that's like not — like let's just say you trip or something, you know you're just like walking down the street and trip over. Then they stare and laugh at you, like that's not your problem. You shouldn't be embarrassed. Like that's that other person's problem.

I think just doubling down on less than that, I mean, I don't know. I think embarrassment is also a good thing. It kind of keeps you from making mistakes, you learn. It kind of forces you — because sometimes when you trip — never mind, I don't know. I don't want to get all—

When you trip, you're gonna' look down at your feet more next time you walk so you don't trip again.

Yes, yes!

That makes so much sense. On TikTok, you talked about 2020 being your year, how's it been? Has it been your year?

You know, it's kind of been no one's year. It definitely has not been my year, which is fine. I feel like it's almost weirdly like the people's year, you know? There's just so much shift and movement happening, and it's amazing. We're progressing, we're moving forward, we're like actively looking to change and recognize the stakes, and be something different when recognizing how flawed the way we've been living has been. I guess by just the things we've let slide and the things that we've "okay-ed." It's not a great year, but it is the year of the people.

Yeah, that makes sense. We're learning, we're living, etc. Also, your TikTok is a lot, by the way.

Yeah, I know. I am like a 20-year-old man and I'm like an adult now. And like, I try like reaching into that young 15-year-old kid who like made really dumb not-good jokes. And I try to like replicate that, and I realized like it's not the same. And it's like not as good and charming because I'm like, you know, an adult.

Anything else?

I would like to say Black lives matter, donate to charity, do your part, speak up.