I feel like it’s only recently I realized how influential our self-perception is. Do you feel tuned into a new frequency as you navigate this pop chapter of your sound?
I feel like the pain and struggle that I've experienced and the mental processes and issues that I experienced as a young adult has evolved into an immense feeling of gratitude, empathy and appreciation for myself. It doesn’t mean that those feelings aren’t present anymore, but I’m not as critical of myself for my actions, I’ve come into myself in a way where the things that I’ve experienced are starting to make more sense and that does seem to come through in the music I’m making now. I used to have some really negative habits that I’ve broken out of for the most part. When I was younger I used substances in a way that are ineffective for making your life better and realizing that put me in such a better place.
How does it feel knowing that in ten days the project is finally out?
Oh, I don't know. It's so crazy honestly because I feel like I have been so fixated on the deadlines that I’ve had to meet that I haven’t had a second to actually process that we’re right at the very end, but when you phrase it like that, I just feel so relieved honestly.
The two songs that we led with are the most different from anything else I’ve done, like the three others have a similar energy to other things I’ve put out so I like that the opening to this project has been saturated and over the top because that's a more vulnerable side of myself that I haven't like played with or given light to. Putting out “Shoplifting from Nike” was extremely vulnerable for some reason, because I revealed parts of myself that I hadn’t shed or talked about in songs before.
You mentioned that the “Dystopia Girl” music video drops the same day, are you excited about that too?
So excited! The set design was super cool. Every wall, including the floor and ceiling, were covered in the album cover and other pictures of me – we even made this huge cut out of myself. I wanted to capture the feeling that people get when they see pictures of themselves and feel like they’re distorted or unfathomable in some way.
The funny thing about the song is that the opening line is, ‘I've got nothing but love’ and then you see a room full of pictures of me, like, there’s something so wrong and disturbing about it, but that dissonance is what makes it the right thing I think. Just because there’s this pop sensibility to something doesn’t mean that there’s not an underbelly of self-consciousness and confusion, which was fun to play with.
Totally. I’m so excited to see it. I feel like it’s going to be insane.
I was just reading this book – a self-help book of course because I love those, like I literally read them for fun. But it explored the idea that no one is ever thinking about you the same amount that you're thinking about you, which with the internet and influencer culture and all this different shit, is so funny because we’re almost encouraged to be self-obsessed because it is more beneficial to your well-being. Like if you’re trying to do anything in the arts, your internet shit is extremely consuming and I think it’s silly and important to play with that because the neuroses of the images that we create is so real, and I know a lot of people who are very plagued by these images like I once was.
The images on social media evolve into more of a performance of effortlessness every day, like now what gets the most likes are photos that seem randomly taken as if they aren’t posed but they actually are. It’s so absurd.
That’s so true, it’s so interesting.
I love that there’s this over-performance to the music videos for “Shoplifting From Nike” and “Good Things Take Time” that contradicts that performance of effortlessness people have become so accustomed to. It’s very early 2000s, which is also very nostalgic.
Yeah exactly, it’s so camp. I’m just a theater loving ho who is always thinking about what it means to be alive, but I also just want to have a good time. I think there’s a seriousness and levity to it all, simultaneously. It’s been really nice to work on this and start to think about what’s next on the horizon, like I have a lot of songs that are already recorded so I’m excited to focus on figuring out which ones are going to become the next moment.