“Reclaiming an empowering space for this energy to express itself entirely for its own needs and reasons, without shame." What did you mean by this?
I think shame is something everyone carries in different sizes. When we enter the world we depend on the adults in our lives to love and accept us and for them to look after us. Most people I know struggle with shame because of their parents or the adults they had around them as a child. An encounter as a child with a bad person can set off shame, a feeling that one is inherently wrong; I have struggled with a lot of shame because of my mother.
Shame for me was something that arose in my childhood home. I re-enter the domestic sphere to rebel against this feeling and to replace it with something beautiful and empowering through the camera. Shame can be described by a long chain of emotions, such as wrongness, inadequacy, embarrassment and lack of value as a human being. When you experience shame, the focus is primarily on the inside, and you may get the feeling of shrinking or that your body is distorted. You feel that you’re an object of another person's negative gaze. And even if we don't know what other people think of us, and if they even see the faults we think they see, shame grows out of the uncertainty and the notion of other people's possible negative assessment.
In my work when I photograph, for me it is about creating a transparent space. I want the person I photograph to feel beautiful, with everything they contain. I also look at myself when I photograph. I tell that little girl that she is not wrong. Photography for me is a way to look at all these broken feelings and to talk about it together. It’s a desire in my work, to create a space where those I photograph do not feel wrong through my gaze.
For you, what exactly is 'the feminine', the female spirit?
It’s beauty. It’s venus. It’s the moon. It’s both soft and it’s rooted. My joy for femininity is something that comes out of my upbringing. I grew up with my mother and younger sister. My mother was incredibly feminine. She loved makeup, sexy underwear, clothes, and she set her hair every day. She moved elegantly around the kitchen, even when she was cooking. My mother also had many gay friends. The way everyone held a cigarette was a scene. I was very fascinated by this way of being. The way they laughed. Danced around our apartment until the morning. High heels they all walked around in. I always felt most comfortable in that energy. My home was full of friends from different backgrounds and different shades of femininity. My best friend's parents were from the old Yugoslavia and my other friend's mother was from Poland. We got ready in my room. Just like my mother did with her friends. We put on makeup, did each other's hair.
When I watch films with Zoe Lund, it reminds me of my mother. My mother had this insane feminine attraction. My own relationship with femininity has been a long journey. I worked as a model where I felt that people capitalized on my femininity and fragility. Therefore, for many years after I stopped being a model, I downplayed my femininity. Since I moved to Paris, I have gone through a transformation. Here I have allowed myself to explore my femininity. It's many things. I think it is very individual what it is for each person. For me it is an essence. Femininity doesn’t only belong to her, it’s an energy that everyone can carry.
