Reflections on Self-Love with Kiana V

Kiana expresses that self-realization and self-love are not always things that have come easy for her. Beneath her dazzling harmonies and intoxicating production are lyrics that convey her most contemplative inner-thoughts. Each of the featured songs show a different facet of the songstress, but ultimately they all emphasize the message that with self-love comes clarity. Through Dazed, Kiana V has found her most authentic voice and she plans to continue to use it to advocate for Filipino musicians and amplify a message of self-acceptance.

I know that your father is a very prolific musician in the Philippines; when exactly did your personal music journey begin? Did growing up in a very musically driven household influence you? 

Yeah, actually both of my parents are singers. My dad was the one who really pursued it; for 36 years he's been in the industry. My mom used to be in a band and my mom's entire family is so musical; it's actually kind of crazy because every single one of my cousins — and there are like 30 of us — can sing. That definitely influenced how I approach music and how much it's a part of who I am. I didn't really want to pursue it full-time, as a career, and I ran away from it for as long as I could remember. But in my early twenties, I realized, okay, well, if I'm writing songs and during my free time all I want to do is sing — that means something. I was essentially gravitating towards it. So yeah, that's when I decided I've got to put my heart into this if it's something that I'm clearly passionate about. 

You are an incredibly talented singer, but also an emotionally succinct songwriter. Many of the songs on your EP are soft and introspective —  is this the style of songwriting that feels most natural to you?

I never really had the confidence to share whatever it was that I was writing until a few years ago. The softer songs are definitely more natural to who I am. I tried to fight that for a really long time. With this project, I think it feels most aligned with who I am at this moment. In the past, I was trying too hard to just write something or release something that I knew people wanted to hear. And it's definitely freeing; it's a therapeutic experience to kind of shut everyone's opinions out and just do something for myself. And I think that's why producing this project was so much fun for me. I was in the studio with my friends and we didn't really know where it was going to go. We ended up with this EP and well, now here I am talking to you. 

I have seen that you are not only an accomplished musician but you are also a gifted artist! Do you find that immersing yourself in other forms of self-expression also helps you with your music making process?

Oh yeah. One of the reasons why I got into songwriting and singing is because I'm not very good at conversation. I'm not always good at articulating what I want to say when I'm talking to someone. And so I usually have to sing it and even then, I'm not always able to put my feelings and my thoughts into words. That's actually the reason why I released the movement visual for Dazed. I just felt that as vulnerable and as raw as the song was, there was still so much that I wanted to say or express. And the only way to tell that story was through movement. When you're passionate about something like, you know, for you it's writing or with me, it's singing and songwriting — people say if you get a job that is connected to something that you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life. But, to me, that's also not true because when you throw something you love into your job, sometimes you lose that passion. So with drawing and painting, that kind of takes me out of that. It gives me something to do for fun, for myself. A lot of people actually wanted to start buying prints of my drawings, but I was like, 'I'm not going to put that pressure on myself right now.' Maybe someday, but for now it's just for fun. It's my way of getting out of my head and another way of putting my feelings on paper. I don't want to put a price tag on something that helps me escape. I already do that with my music. 

During quarantine, you moved to the states for just under a year to further your music career. Did this down time provide any new musical insights for you or your upcoming work? 

When I got here in February of last year I was initially supposed to do a bunch of shows. I think it was three weeks after I got here, every single day there was a new show that was canceled until we found out pretty much the whole world shut down. When you're in a situation like that...you just moved from home, you don't really have all your friends around you...I missed my family. I do have a support system here, but it just felt different. I was homesick and I felt like I was an isolated case. I felt like I was the only one going through this. I was so sad; it was kind of like a pity party until I pulled myself out of that and realized, hold on, everyone's going through something — what am I going to do with my time? I knew I couldn't just sulk. But I was going through writer’s block. I didn't know what I wanted to say. So I decided to go through my old notebooks just to kind of start journaling again or to remind myself of what I was going through a few years back. While I was going through those notebooks, I found these songs that I completely forgot about. And those are the songs on the EP now. So I tore all of those pages out; I burned some incense and I stuck the pages on the wall, and then eventually decided on these five songs. That really encouraged me knowing that my past self was somehow taking care of my present. That's when I learned how to track my own vocals. I had to record everything acapella from my bedroom. I'm so thankful that I got to do those things on my own because I learned more about what I'm willing to do for myself too. It was definitely a form of self-love and seeing it through all the way to this moment has taught me so much about perseverance and patience and gratefulness, for sure, for all the people that have been pushing me.

How has your Filipina identity shaped your music and the songwriting process? 

I grew up with a lot of Filipino love songs constantly playing. Filipinos are always so passionate about whatever they fall in love with, whether that be food, sport, fashion, music — all of that. And obviously like, just love for other people in general. I think that that passion and just the strength of every emotion is something that I got from my culture. That's what drives a lot of what I do — it's just that love for love. And, on top of that, the singers that I grew up listening to from the Philippines, like Regine Velasquez and Sharon Cuneta — who is actually my aunt — and my dad, all these people shaped the way I view production and how I view performance. I'm always so grateful to have them in my life and being able to be in the background or backstage seeing these things happen in real life was such a blessing. 

You have experienced large success in your home country of the Philippines and now your music is making its way all around the world. Is increasing AAPI representation within the music industry, especially in the United States, something that is important to you? 

Absolutely. I've noticed in the Philippines that people tend to lean more towards the international music scene than the local music scene. I want to be able to prove to both the Filipinos and the rest of the world that we have what it takes, not just to make it in the international music scene, but that everything you listen to on the radio that isn't from where we're from, we can do as well. And I'm so proud of all the musicians that are hustling and trying to pave their own way because it's really not an easy task. On the note of Filipino representation, seeing H.E.R. and Saweetie, and people are now talking about how Olivia Rodrigo is one-fourth Filipino — Filipinos love that. They love being represented. So if I am able to do that for them, then that would be such an amazing win.

How has your sound evolved since your debut in 2016, with your single “Circles”, to now? 

I think back then, like I said, I was really concerned about what other people would think about me. And because of that, I don't think the things I was saying or the way I was presenting myself were really authentic to who I am and what I want for myself. And it gets kind of hard when you are surrounded by people who think they know what you want and push you towards a path that you then think you want. Then you take a step back and you realize that you're so far off from where you initially started or what you wanted for yourself. It's funny because I think "Circles" was my most vulnerable and my truest self. And I kind of deviated from that with time. Now I'm finding my way back to that. 

Your new 5-track EP, titled Dazed, was released July 30th. This may be a diffcult question, but what is your favorite song off of this project and why?

I know exactly which one it is. My favorite one is "How Do I," because that was the song that flowed so easily; I had it finished in a little over an hour. I think that that just goes to show how real that song is or was for me at that moment. I knew exactly what I was going through and exactly what I wanted to say. Having it produced in the exact way that I envisioned it to be was such an empowering moment for me — going from writing it, to recording it acapella, and then going into the studio, building the track with Jesse Barrera, and then hearing it come together. That's when I was like, 'Okay, I think I'm on the right path here.' That's why I love that song. I was in a very vulnerable state when I wrote that song and came together pretty well. 

You have said that the EP is a “...soft exploration of how self-love affects the love we are able to give to others.” Do you have any advice for those who may be experiencing their own struggles with self-love? 

It's not a pretty journey and it isn't linear either, because every day you have to fight for that self-love. You could wake up one morning and look in the mirror and just not know who you are, and the next morning you wake up and you're fully confident and just proud of who you are. But on the bad days, you have to fight for yourself because if you don't fight for yourself, then who else will? I also think it's important to note that learning how to accept love from others is such a huge part of the journey because people could be showering you with love, and if you have your guard up constantly, then you're not going to be able to appreciate that. Having a good support system is so important. I'm really happy that I have my dad's family out here and then I have all my family and friends in Manila. I'm so happy that the Filipino community embraces each other like family as well.

What do you think the future has in store for you and your musical endeavors? 

There are a lot of artists that I really want to work with and get into the studio with. There's a lot more music that's about to come out. There's also a movement film that is being written currently. I think that the people that have been following and listening since day one are going to be pretty happy about where I'm taking this journey. It's kind of scary how things are working out because these are like little dreams or dreams that I thought were little that are now coming true. Sometimes I have to look at things from the outside — step back and realize, 'Oh, I'm actually doing it.' But yeah, more music, more amazing visuals, and collaborations that I did not think could happen.