Yeah, exactly. It's not like a one shoe fits all kind of box where everybody looks like a trans-femme-woman, and everyone looks like a handsome trans man.
C— Exactly.
How is your experience within the gender binary been a benefit to you and exploring that side of both of you?
S — I think for me because I continue to present so feminine, it's helped me look more inward inside of myself and really consider what my identity means to me. Does it mean something like, is it for me or is it for other people? And being like being perceived this way, I realize it's like kind of like a superpower for me because in my head I'm just like, 'y'all, don't even know how much masculinity I've got going on.' It's very empowering and it heals me too, because I've always like looked at myself and kind of been upset at the fact that like, I don't think I could help looking so feminine. And nothing about me compulsively wants to change anything about me. I feel more like my gender identity is like-
Comfortable.
S — Yeah. It's like an existential thing, something above my head type of thing. And from there, it's kind of like snowballed into other self-affirming compartments of myself that I wanted to discover and pull close. And just hold onto, and just be like nobody can really budge me from the fact that I identify this way. Even if I present myself this way, it doesn't change for me. And it won't change for anybody else around me. You can perceive me as a woman if you want, but at the end of the day, I am me.
That's empowering. I think, as a trans person myself, I think that one thing that I'm constantly thinking, and it kind of sounds like it relates to you, is just that perception that I give off to people. People automatically assume they automatically gender us. They automatically-
C — It's that binary box.
Fully. And if we don't check this box with that box, it's like, we almost don't even exist. And I feel like what you just said is kind of where I'm at in the sense of like learning that it's an inner power really to be okay with being perceived however, and knowing that you are you. Because it's so easy for us to get annoyed with people, and not feeling like they're taking us seriously or not feeling like they're getting our pronouns right. And it just feels disrespectful in a way, at least to me, from my experience, but at least at the same time, we have the power of letting go of that.
S—Yeah, because my energy shouldn't be spent like being mad at the world. Because who am I trying to please? It's just like, you're shaking my foundation. When really my foundation is just who I am and who I believe myself to be and who I know myself to be.
C —They're shaking the foundation, but they can't get inside. They can't even open the door. They don't understand.
For you, what would you say that the benefits of having T4T relationships have been for your mental health?
C — Oh my God. It's a different type of relationship and friendship. It's a different type of connection. Because being from the south, being from Texas, I've always had to conform my friendships. You know what I mean? Like I've never actually had another trans friend or another Black friend that was like me. Like, I'll fit in with the white group and I'll fit in with the white gay, but that's not really like — they're not for me. They're not specifically like
They eat that shit up because they appropriate us..
S — They know the verbiage and everything but they make you feel-
C—But don't respect it. So whenever I finally got to have like a trans relationship or trans friendship because my partner is also trans. So we are transitioning together and having trans friendships, like when I go out in nightlife and beyond that, like going out to eat, it's like a different type of security. You feel safe, you feel protected.
Yeah. Because you feel authentic.
C—Yeah, you don't have to double think about things that you say. Like oh, 'are they going to get this?' Or 'is this going to even sound right?' Like you can just say whatever the fuck is on your mind.
Who fully affirm you.
C— That's another thing. Affirming as like even you can send your friend a picture and like — I guess like your regular like cis friend a picture and they'd be like, "oh, queen" or something. But then I send it to my other friend and they'll be like, "okay, king." And they'll be like, "Like I see you handsome." And I'm like, okay, you get it. Because I tell them before I'm just like, "okay, well, like I prefer these types of compliments or these types of pronouns." And they're just like still with the binary thing because they see like a wig or heel like, oh you must be like this.
If you have one piece of advice you could give to your younger self, what would it be for both of you?
C— You have no idea what is coming for you. You have no idea who you are just yet and you still won't when you get to where I am right now. Yeah, you still won't get that way, you still won't understand who you are, but that's the whole point. You're not supposed to know just yet. That's the beauty of it.
Every other day you find out something about yourself that makes you who you are. That makes you in your transness, that makes you in your identity, and the mold of who you are as the enby inside. Like just because you want to wear mini skirts and a binded chest doesn't mean anything about you. It just means that you are you. It doesn't have to mean, that you're non-binary, that you're trans-masculine, trans fem, it's you. There doesn't have to necessarily be a label there.
What would you say to baby you?
S — I would say as many opportunities as there are for disaster, pain, and hurt, there are way more opportunities to find happiness, comfort, and peace. And as much as life is just one day after the other, just take stuff with a grain of salt, and continue to just fight for what makes you feel comfortable, what makes you feel good because it's not wrong to want to have those things for yourself.