"MY SHADOW"

What first got you into the realm of Sci-Fi?

It got out of control over COVID. That’s when I really dove deep into it. But I think really early on, when I was in middle school or something, I became a really big Spike Jones fan. Seeing his movies, and then also some of his shorts that were kind of interesting and kind of weird— I just kind of got into it from there. Yeah, that's kind of my earliest, real obsession with it. 

Yeah. It's interesting that you bring up COVID, because COVID was such a liminal space in its own right.

Yeah, definitely. I think I was just getting really in my head at that time. So I was like getting into these really heady, sci-fi animes or films and such. 

With titles like “Tourist Mind,” “Mind Disaster,” and “Where Is My Head,” the album seems to be heavily focused on the cerebral. What about the human mind are you exploring?

I guess it's really just my own way of trying to figure myself out more and more. It seems like the most important thing probably, at least for me in my lifetime. To get to know myself better and kind of just figure out how it all works up there. A lot of what I jump to naturally in lyrics is about that, just because it tends to kind of consume my mind in a way that feels a bit self-absorbing at times. I think I can be pretty hard on myself and hard on my mind. And so I think just trying to make sense of it in a way through lyrics or music or whatever feels really important to me.

What I find really interesting about your work is that it's electronic music that isn't really trying to be party music at all, because I think that's kind of the trend right now. If anything, I think your music has a really somber tone. How did you land in that space?

Yeah, I think I'm just like a very melancholic person in general. I feel very comfortable engaging in topics that aren't super positive or happy. I'm not like a huge partier or anything. So I think that just kind of comes out naturally in my songwriting. But it's also the type of music that I listen to. I think one of my favorite artists right now is FKA Twigs, who, although she also makes really great party music, I think a lot of her music is very introspective and just engages with a lot of hard feelings. That's kind of the side of electronic music that I tend to relate to more, and the kind of thing that I want to engage with more.

What does it mean to have a “tourist mind”?

I think I wrote that at a time when I was just feeling very overloaded by social interactions. I tend to have a very active tourist mind. If I'm hanging out with people or being very social during a certain time period, or just kind of engaging with social media or pop culture a lot, I think it [becomes] really easy to lend your mind to the general consciousness of the culture. When I'm hanging out with friends or socializing a lot, I tend to try to explore their minds. More than mine. Or I maybe put their minds above my mind. And so by doing that, I think I tend to live in their worlds too much and kind of forget about what makes me me. It's kind of like forgetting.

Yeah, like a little bit of voyeurism.

Yeah, definitely. And I think that tends to really eat away at me sometimes. And I think that's kind of when I have these existential crises about who I am and stuff.

I noticed that your sound has some symphonic elements. That’s a really unique choice for an electronic alt-rock artist. What made you want to throw those sounds in there?

I grew up playing in orchestra, and I played the cello and everything. I think kids growing up [in music] are either pointed towards jazz music or classical music, and I think I was pointed towards the classical genre. And so, it's just something that is always with me. And I'm really into movie scores and everything. I went to school originally to get into film scoring but ended up switching over to music technology. So when I get to songwriting, it's often just maybe how I hear melodies in my head, or how I hear the songs coming together. It feels almost like more of a natural extension than my voice does sometimes.

What three words describe the feelings you poured into this album?

Misunderstood, tangled, and hurt.

How do you feel about remixes? Would you ever want to remix some of the songs on this record?

Yeah, I actually have always really been into the remix world. I've done a bunch for other artists, and then on my last record, I had a remix version. But this record, I kind of approached it how I approach remixes, where I try to kind of morph the energy into something that's more lively, energetic, and just something that would be fun in the live setting or over big speakers. So in a way, it kind of feels hard to imagine this record remixed. But I’m also intrigued about where that might take these kinds of songs. So yeah, I would love to hear that version.

Live performance. What do you love most about it?

I used to have a lot of anxiety over live performances, and I used to not really look forward to them. But I think with this record, I just really wanted to have music that I thought would feel really good singing live. It's kind of new to me, having this positive experience with playing live. I think the approach with this record— trying to be more vulnerable in my lyrics and following through more with my melodies and phrases— that kind of helped me emote more in the real-life setting, where I'm usually a bit restrained or timid. It kind of forces me out of that. 

Rolling Stone said you explore uncanny sonic spaces. How would you describe your relationship to the uncanny?

I always think that that's kind of interesting because I think I have trouble perceiving myself in a neutral way. Kind of like how people have difficulty listening to their voices played back in recordings, or even just looking at yourself in the mirror, it can be hard to really envision how other people view you. So I think that's always interesting. And I think my relationship with [the uncanny] maybe feels non-existent because I'm not necessarily trying. I tend to approach things very timidly, and I usually want to have a frame of reference to follow. So I'll usually try to first copy people's work. And then from there, I feel comfortable enough, like I know the assignment, I know what the usual is, and then after that, I'll tend to have more freedom for myself to kind of set those rules aside and do whatever feels natural to me or just what feels good to me. So maybe that's kind of what helps it come out in a way.

Are there any other forms of art you engage with outside of music?

I do my visuals for my record too. I actually never really tried doing that before. So, that's a skill that I've been trying to hone in on. I was never a great artist or illustrator or anything. But the film world really intrigues me. I loved the music video world and everything. So I just became really interested in how artists kind of portray themselves through the lens and everything. That’s one medium that I really [want] to explore.