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Up Close and Personal: The Girl with the “Spit” Tattoo
The start of me putting bags over my head was the start of me taking myself seriously as an artist.
This is insane though, that both of these [shows] are happening right back to back. Tell me about these three pieces, how you came about showing them. Um, and I guess like what these pieces mean to you within the context of this other work?
Well I had wanted to show with Todd for a while. And it really just happened organically through mutual friends and coming here for other openings. But the three pieces are kind of, like I said before, oddballs out. They are all kind of all different from one another because the way I work starts as a list of ideas that I want to become paintings. Now, the list has become like 40 paintings long! So some of them are more cohesive than others. But I'm working towards building more cohesive ones for her solo show at Seasons LA next year. And since I had two big group shows happening this summer, I was figuring out what pieces I could give to the shows that still look okay together. You know?
There's that and because this show is with four different artists, it was easier to show pieces that didn't necessarily look as great together for say- a solo show. I mean the first one [pointing to My Sunday Best] piece, like My Sunday Best, which is the piece in the kitchen, was my first experiment with painting myself nude. So it was definitely way different. At the same time, that piece was kind of in the line of me still putting bags over my head and I think that painting for me, was the start of taking myself seriously as an artist. I was like, “I'm going to make a big painting. I'm going to make a big figure painting. It's gonna, I'm gonna use tape all over it so it looks like it could be hung in a gallery—”I spent so long on that one — something like two months that I spent on that one whereas now I spend two weeks on a painting.
So what changed between having bags on your head to featuring your face?
For a while, I was putting the bag over my face because I was still figuring out why I was painting. My paintings have always been deeply personal, but I didn't realize it was a meditation for me to make them. I also, for a while, struggled with the idea of only making self-portraits because it made me very nervous to be like, “What are people gonna think? Are people gonna think that she's obsessed with herself or whatever?” But once I figured out why I was painting, I stopped caring about that because these paintings are way more about self-hatred than an excess of love for myself.
Like I was talking with someone recently and we were talking about how it's almost as if I’m hyper-sexualizing myself before you do.
Absolutely.
‘The gaze’ is kind of the starting point for these paintings really. So I had to begin with painting my face. So the first one I did was like this painting that is going to Italy at the beginning of next year. And it's, I made it during the pandemic and it had a COVID mask. So it was still masked, but it was like, I'm going to paint my eyes now and like half my face. So, and after that I was like, okay, I guess I can do my whole face. Like that turned out really, really nice. So it's just kind of like transitions and then, I don't know, I just became more comfortable with it and stopped caring about what people are gonna think that I'm painting me? But I think that's also what is fun with my work. I try to incorporate a lot of elements that are super intense and personal to me but don't necessarily come across that way. But then once you notice, even the food sometimes looks menacing, even the random objects. So I love playing around with the details in the painting.
How do you end up choosing what playful additions you add to each piece?
Honestly, every piece marks such a specific memory or point in time that I always pick something that had or has a lot of meaning at that time. Sometimes I feel, even though I am painting myself, the objects are way more personal because they're things that remind me of very specific points in my life or like feelings I've had. The hardest part is not giving things away too easily because—
You don’t want it to be too “easy.”
Yeah, exactly. Though the paintings are super personal to me, I'm fine with someone not seeing all of that right away. Like seeing a chipwhich in this, and being like ‘I know, that! I can relate to that.’ But I'm fine with them not understanding it fully right away. It's kind of a bonus sometimes. Like little secrets.
I like that: ‘little secrets’.
Yeah, I mean, I have list [of works] that is just so long now, but also it's kind of that thing of, you just have to get it out and make it into the world and have it exist. And then it's like, “okay, it's gone.” And maybe it was a bad painting, but it is somewhere else now. And it’s out of my mind, so I try not to edit myself too much on also the paintings I make. If you feel like you need to make that, then do it because now it's there. But I'll probably look back in a couple of years and be like, some of these were really stupid.
But that's good that you allow yourself the freedom to do that. Yeah. I think it can be really stifling.
I think that's also the nicest part about making self-portraits is 1) inspiration. It isn't really hard to find like I just get it from everyday life. And also, you don't have to edit that much because if some, like the biggest criterion that I have for my paintings, is that it is personal to me. If there's not a reason why I'm making something that I'm like, ‘Oh, should you make this?’ If it's just a picture of me then there's kinda no meaning behind it. But if it's personal and I can talk about it or, think about a moment in my life that this painting felt real because they're kind of like...well I call them psychological self-portraits. ‘Cause they're more about feelings or memories that may or may not have happened. But if that feels real then it was real for me at one point, then I'm like, ‘Okay, it can, it can exist as a painting.’ So yeah, the inspiration part isn't as hard. Once I started painting myself, I was stressed out a lot less, about like, ‘Oh, what am I going to make?’
And these figures? Do you draw from a mirror? From photos? Or do you have friends model certain positions postures etc.?
Well I look up stock photos at that time. I always painted from pictures cause I liked the details, but then I did my first nude photoshoot- and that happened organically more as like a... I mean, you know, this cause you know, me personally, but like struggling with body image for so long and like my experience with eating disorders that I recently realized, or like tied to like my history with like abuse. Um, it came to me that like, it came at a really weird time where that was like an expression of being comfortable enough with my body. Like this weird, like exhibitionism was kind of like, ‘Okay, I don't hate myself as much as I did before.’
Is that because it's like considered art once you put it in on canvas?
Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't, I don't think about it that way. I think about it just like the actual photoshoot was — I can be comfortable enough to show myself to someone and look at my image. And then I realized, at one point I was like, ‘Okay, I am going to be using these photos for paintings and like for nothing else,’ obviously. So nude photoshoots are still a part of my process and it's definitely transforming now because I've had some bad experiences with those ’shoots. So eventually I think I'll just shoot myself because I'm also really inspired by how Cindy Sherman works.
What’s good with that diner piece I’ve seen you wrestling with?
Yeah, for that piece that, I was thinking of a diner piece for this show in Los Angelos. Just about growing up in New Jersey. That's like what everyone thinks of? Anyway, the show is called “Breakfast in America”. That was the first thing I thought of. Rusha wanted the “first bite” at this gallery to be memorable like that...like the first eggs and bacon, he had ya know? But I had a dilemma where I didn’t think I could Photoshop together well enough. So I went to this diner with a friend just a couple blocks away to shoot. We went at like 8:00 AM and of course, but right as we walked in, there were a bunch of construction workers having like a huge breakfast. So I was like, like what are we going to do? So we just sat down and she was like, ‘Do you just want to do it [strip down to bra and undies]?’ And I was like, ‘No, I have to ask, I don't want to get thrown out of this diner.’ So we called this Greek guy over who works there and I'm like, trying to hype myself up for this wild pitch. After explaining that I needed to make a painting in a diner and that I make all nude self-portraits I just went for it and asked if I could get into my bra and underwear. And he's like, ‘I mean, I have no problem with that, but let me ask my manager.’ He comes back and says it’s fine, ‘But you may want to wait until those construction workers leave.’ I was so glad we're on the same page for that. So we just waited until they left. And there was this old couple, watching me the whole time. I definitely felt super weird, but honestly, it just makes the painting funnier than it actually happened. I know my body now enough that I think I may do that more — shoot on scene I mean— but once you kind of know the way your own body moves, it's much easier to just kind of like edit and what's the word? Not compromise. Go on the fly. What's the word though? Do you know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, improvise.
Improvise, damn! We used to be smart—but yeah, that painting came out great. I'm very excited for it.
Try to catch some of her work with Ross + Kramer’s at Summer Summer Group Show in The Hamptons next week starting August 21st-Sept 12th.
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Go Create with Nicole McLaughlin
office caught up with the creator to chat about her project, inspiration, her source of creativity, and more.
Check out the interview below!
First and foremost, I have to ask, what is the overarching theme of your work and where did your design journey begin?
The theme of my work is upcycling. The visuals and materials may differ, but the message is always the same. My foray into upcycling started while I was at my previous job. However, sustainability and being mindful of the environment have been with me since I was a kid exploring the outdoors.
In general, I love the concepts of each design. How do you come up with these ideas and how long does one design usually take?
Thank you. My inspiration comes from everything, but mainly from the materials themselves. Ideation can be pretty quick when something clicks into place, but it's a lot of trial and error most of the time. Things might start one way, but you never know how it will go during the making process. It's best to be patient, flexible, and open-minded about what you end up with as your final product.
Your designs have a mixture of playfulness and innovation to them 一 it's a peculiar type of chic glittered over with a forward-thinking mindset. What makes this such an irresistible combination for you and the consumer?
I try to incorporate fun and functionality into everything I make. Doesn't everyone want that?
You've recently launched your newest venture with Polaroid, talk to me about that.
I've been a long-time Polaroid fan; the i-zone was my first and, honestly, the perfect camera for a kid getting into photography. So it's great to work with them on this project to highlight the new Polaroid Go. We're so used to using our phones, so it was nice to step away from that and incorporate an extra element of tangibility in my design process.
In essence, what does the phrase: "Go Create" mean to you?
I'm all about just going for it, so "Go create" is about trying something new, not being afraid, enjoying the process, and being in the moment.
What was your creative process like for this project? How did you conceptualize your vision?
It's hard not to tread into familiar territory when working with something iconic like Polaroid and its film. For instance, making something out of the film makes me think about the dress costume designer Lizzy Gardiner made out of American Express Gold cards for the Oscars and its many reiterations. I played around with several ideas and landed on my camera case harness. Traditionally, people would assume it's a bra, but I try to be mindful of that and make my pieces unisex. It's also fun, functional, and adds a nice pop of color. It has storage, easy access, and you can capture things quickly, so you don't miss out on important moments.
How did Polaroid Go help you amplify your story? What did it feel like to be a part of a project where you were granted so much creative control?
Polaroid really encouraged me to capture my process as much as possible. Using the Polaroid Go was fun, and I got to see my journey unfold at a different pace than what I'm used to, which was cool. And I love instant film because you never know what you're going to get. The lighting, the lo-fi feel, unexpected saturation, and those very forgiving slight blurs that make for some fantastic portraits is what I love about using instant cameras. Taking selfies was also a lot of fun.
What's the biggest takeaway that you want people to get out of this project?
I don't usually show my process, so it was nice to share that. And capturing those moments of making gave me a different sense of enjoyment.
Where do you hope to take your designs? What can you tell us about any future projects or designs that you have coming out in the near future?
My goal is to inspire others to learn more about sustainability and incorporate it into their own lives. I'm currently working on upcycling-focused workshops with Arc'teryx and Puma and getting ready to launch a charity auction with LG Electronics utilizing second-hand clothing from their used clothing drives. LG couldn't donate the pieces I used, so it was challenging but fun to try and give them a second life. I'm also working towards future goals that include education and charitable opportunities.
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Ap0cene: Art is Art
Ap0cene had humble beginnings. Its conception was initially based on the idea of showing off fresh talent, and it also acted as a site of curation for Alicia and Mackenzie — a place where they could collect inspiration. What was primarily born out of a love for self-expression has blossomed into a means by which independent and unseen artists can now feel seen, heard, and most importantly, understood.
When did you start the Ap0cene online community and how did the idea come to be?
Mackenzie— I think we started the actual Instagram in 2017.
Alicia— We had personal accounts and we followed a bunch of different designers that we thought were up and coming, but they just weren't reaching mainstream media. Originally we started the account to showcase all these different designers. We were hoping that the account would grow and reach a wider audience for these designers, but it just kind of started as this fun thing that we were doing.
Mackenzie— It was a place to keep a collection of images. It was kind of an outlet, I think for us too, at the beginning.
Alicia— Definitely, a creative outlet. And then once it started growing, and when we started getting closer with the different designers that we were featuring, that's when our identity morphed into what it is now.
Mackenzie— There definitely were trials and tribulations in figuring out exactly who we wanted to be and what we wanted to do. It wasn't a clear path, which I think is also kind of cool. Because it's emblematic of the creative process. Sometimes it's not exactly what you planned. I think we figured out exactly what we wanted to be earlier this year. It became very clear and solidified in our heads that supporting small creatives or emerging creatives is very important to us and that's what we want to focus on.
What is the inspiration behind the name “Ap0cene” and the logo?
Alicia— The name actually came from when I was sitting in a geography class and the professor was talking about the Anthropocene, which is the ecological era of humans making an impact on the planet. And I noticed that that connected to all the designers and their art that I'd been seeing. All of their art was so avante garde and so different, and so reflective of the fact that we've been making such a big impact and change on the planet. So we kind of shortened it to Ap0cene.
Mackenzie— Yeah. I think also on the same token of the impact that humans have on the planet, we often think there's kind of a negative connotation that goes along with that. And so trying to uplift small creatives as an avenue towards choosing to be more conscious consumers and supporting small creatives, as opposed to large corporations, also feeds into that idea of the impact that humans can have on the planet, in terms of reframing that connotation to a more positive one as well.
Are either of you involved in your own personal creative endeavors?
Mackenzie— We both are creatives — at the time when we initially started the page, I wasn't, but I am now... or I guess everyone is always creative, but in terms of actually making things like I do now, I wasn't back then. And I think Alicia has always been.
Alicia— I was a visual art major in university; I just recently graduated. So now I actually have more time to input into Ap0cene, but I'm more used to making gallery exhibition art. Changing that and outputting my creativity into the digital realm has definitely been such a shift for me. Now that I've been creating more digital art, I want to focus Ap0cene towards going in that direction of NFTs, the digital 3D community, AR...and all that stuff. Mackenzie has her own brand as well.
Mackenzie— I design and sew clothes, which is also very grounding for me, because, we kind of joke sometimes about how we find the best stuff when we're in an Instagram hole. Going from page to page, to page, to page. And then it's kind of sometimes like, 'I don't even know where I am anymore.' So I feel like doing something with my hands sometimes is a nice contrast between the fact that Ap0cene is so digital and online. I also think that Alicia and I complement each other really well in terms of our personal skills and the things that we excel at. I think that's one of the reasons why we have stuck with this and been able to have some sort of impact. Because, you know, we can push each other when we need it. And, we're just good partners.
Social media has created so many new ways for people to connect and unite upon common goals, such as art — was Ap0cene originally created with the intentions of being a fully digital community?
Mackenzie— So when we started to grow, we definitely had the idea of being a print magazine or a digital magazine. At the beginning, we even called ourselves a magazine, as opposed to a community. So that was kind of on the horizon of things we wanted to explore. We decided to stick with the digital community. And now, I think Ap0cene is literally the epitome of how powerful social media can be for small creators. It's really fulfilling because sometimes small creatives who we repost will say, 'This person saw my work because you reposted me,' or like, 'I was like losing faith and this re-installed, you know, some sort of hope in me,' which is really exciting for us too. I think it's really powerful that one random day, who knows who's going to see your work and that could turn things around. You know what I mean?
You have experienced a growth of Ap0cene’s online community on Instagram from 50k to 95k in just under six weeks. When you first launched Ap0cene, did you expect this much growth?
Mackenzie— No. And I think that that period of time is kind of when we really put a lot of time and more curatorial energy into Ap0cene, and we engaged more with the artists that we were featuring and the people who engage with our page as well.
Alicia— Yeah. I guess that spike was literally at the exact time when we kind of solidified, directionally, what we wanted to be.
Mackenzie— I remember there was a point in time, in the spring maybe, or March-ish, when we were getting about 700 to 900 new followers every day, and we were like, 'Whoa, this is kind of crazy!,' because I mean we're still just two gals.
Alicia— But we definitely are still striving towards how we can build a sense of community, a deeper connection between all of the designs and all of the creatives. That's also something we focus on — we don't discriminate between art, because art at the end of the day is art. It could be a sculpture, it could literally be performance art. It could be clothing, jewelry, shoes, make-up, or dance — any form of expression. We really want to invite that diversity. And we also really focus on making sure that we curate inclusively — all different people of color and backgrounds and ethnicities, and the LGBTQ community. We want to focus on amplifying their voices and their designs because we find that the Instagram algorithm always silences them. It's crazy.
Mackenzie— We don’t really plan —
Alicia— Yeah, we hate planning our feed.
Mackenzie— It works so much better when it’s organic and we’re inspired, naturally, by something that we see.
How do you select independent brands to collaborate with for drops?
Mackenzie— It's something that's pretty new to us. The two jewelry collabs we've done were artists that we had built previous connections with. We've been reaching out to graphic designers as well to have them create their take on our logo.
Alicia— We give no criteria — in terms of freedom, it is completely the artist's creative outlet. And a few of the collaborations have been not just us asking them, but they kind of came forward and came up with this idea and we went along with it. In terms of future collaborations, our criteria is definitely a designer that is avante garde and shows new sustainable measures. A lot of small artists are doing that already. They use deadstock material; reusing or repurposing material and jewelry. We've noticed that collaborations can be a long process in terms of coordinating on our end and the time it can take artists to produce the work. In the near future, we want to create a marketplace where the artists could just sell their original work on our platform for purchasing exposure. So we have a little shop coming up hopefully next month.
The Ap0cene Fund, in which you select a creative applicant and support them with 10% of the proceeds from Ap0cene drops, is a way that you have chosen to directly support creatives. Can you tell me a little bit more about this?
Mackenzie— We launched it a couple of months ago, so we haven't reached our goal yet. We wanted to give $500 to each person. Our ultimate goal is $5,000 so we can give to multiple artists at once. That's also something that is motivating us to launch the shop because a portion of proceeds obviously will be going to the fund to help reach that goal. It's been so exciting because the small creatives that we approached to have on the shop even have been receptive to contributing to help raise money for the Ap0cene fund.
Alicia— We take a very, very low cut of collaboration profits, and most of that goes to the fund anyway. We ensure that the artists get the majority of the profit cut. We're launching a fundraiser soon to raise more for the Ap0cene fund and we're also looking into grants as well to support the funding. But it's definitely been a learning process in terms of raising money for the fund.
Mackenzie— We have a GoFund me right now so that anyone at any time can go and donate as well, on top of the 10%.
How does environmental awareness play a role in the creatives you collaborate with and feature?
Mackenzie— A lot of the artists we've approached pretty much do small batch or small collections, handmade, and have a low ecological footprint...and that's super important to us as well.
Alicia— But at the same time, we don't send away artists who don't follow all of those guidelines because I think that it's not your fault if you're not able to produce something completely sustainably.
Mackenzie— It just sometimes is very inaccessible in a sense.
Alicia— Inaccessible, expensive, time consuming — which is totally understandable.
Mackenzie— If you're able to, then you should. But for a lot of small artists who are self-funded, it is difficult.
Alicia— We definitely encourage products to be sustainable though.
Mackenzie— Another thing is that we wanted to have a variety of price points too. On the same note of accessibility — for a consumer as well — there are a lot of barriers to sustainable consumption, and I think the biggest one is cost.
Who are some of your favorite independent artists or designers right now?
Mackenzie— That’s such a hard question. I think one is Cami Árboles.
Alicia— We love her. She’s an amazing pole dancer. She recently was working with SZA, and performed for her, which I think is so cool. She’s been supporting us for so long and she’s very authentic.
Mackenzie— There’s a few others…
Alicia— Marco Garro, Floating World…
Mackenzie— Bead Salad...
Alicia— Lesly Did Them; her nail art is so cool. Like very out of this world. Oh and Xi-Dentity, definitely huge. Shout out to them. We're currently working on our own line, and they're designing it for us essentially. They're creating this whole AR virtual try-on of the clothes as well. Their whole thing is about merging the digital world with fashion and having digital show rooms and digital AR filters, which I think is very different and forward thinking, because when you have digital fashion, it's also much more sustainable as well.
Ap0cene not only highlights small/independent creatives, but acts as a community where individuals can connect through music, forums, and more. Are there any future plans to expand Ap0cene past the realm of art and fashion?
Mackenzie— We like the idea of having some sort of place where artists can talk to each other. We were looking into Slack maybe, or a forum. We want to have artists helping other artists with marketing and anything involving the creative process, or business. We want artists to be able to speak with each other about those kinds of things.
Alicia— We've also noticed that when we have conversations with designers or creators, they would send us other creators that they think would be interested in being featured or working on a collaboration. That kind of sparked our idea of having a specific community forum.
Why do you think it is important to amplify the voices of small independent creators and designers?
Mackenzie— There are definitely levels to that question. I think the first thing is that there's just so much creativity that exists and so many different things that people create and having a way to showcase that and small artists is really important. And then along the line of sustainability and switching the connotation of the impact we have on the planet, being able to make it more tangible or possible to be more sustainable through the support of small artists is also so important.
Alicia— Every day we are hit by so many new designs — clothing and accessories by big corporations and fast fashion houses and never, ever, ever do we hear about who designed them. Who were the artists that designed those pieces that these giant fashion houses are profiting from?
Alicia— One last thing we wanted to mention is during NYFW, we are having a showcase and we partnered up with Legitimate Tech to highlight different emerging designers’ work. The whole idea of the showcase is to encompass the future of fashion and emerging technologies. All of the physical garments will be tokenized and sold using Legitimate Tech’s sustainable NFT sidechain system. It will be happening September 10-12th, and we are acting as the curatorial panel.
Applications to showcase your work in Ap0cene’s collaboration with Legitimate Tech can be found at this link: nyfw.legitimate.tech. You can find more information about Ap0cene’s NYFW Showcase, and check out the incredible, dynamic work featured on their instagram page: @Ap0cene.