Brandon - Savior Complex

How are you feeling? You have your single out and your EP, what are the feelings associated?

I feel really anxious. Like really, really anxious. And I think it's because I'm just worried about what people are going to think. I know my friends love it and I know I love it. I guess that's kind of all that really matters. I care a lot, so nervous, but excited because I feel like it's long overdue. It’s a mix of emotions. One minute, I'm like, “Oh my God, this is going to be amazing,” then the next minute I'm like, “Oh my God, am I really doing this?”

Yeah, that's regular, I think. Especially when you care so much about the product, you know? What did the song "X-Ting" mean to you?

"X-Ting" was really about my ex. It's actually so crazy. So like, just to kind of give you a little background story: I was in LA the month prior to me writing "XTing," I was actually in the studio. I was with EQT and I got a message from a girl and it was: “Are you and so-and-so together? Because I'm with him right now. And he's trying to get me back.” Literally my heart just stopped, like literally. Cause I'm in a studio session, you know, I'm with my team, literally I just went blank. Honestly that was a feeling, I don't think I've ever felt that in my life. I was in the studio a month after. I was with this engineer. I'd never met him before, but it was my first time being in the studio, just me and an engineer. Usually there's like people in there and we were just vibing and I was just honestly just acting so stupid. Like I literally was not thinking of anything. I was just like, this is the situation I'm in. I'm still getting calls from [my ex]. I'm still getting fake pages, messaging me. Like all these things are happening and I'm like my X-Ting's calling. And literally it was just so funny because it was organic.

Okay so, do you find that music is the path you use to process the tumultuous situations you've experienced?

100% because I'm the type of person, like literally my parents say all the time, they literally be like, “It's so difficult living with you”. My dad loves to say, I have like a “n**** attitude”. I never knew what he meant by that, but I guess he's saying, I just don't express myself. If something's going on with me, I won't talk about it. I will just hibernate in my room, and be by myself. I won't go out and then, it's so weird, but I'm about to tell you, I'll go to my washroom and write music. Every single thing I experience, I write, I put it in a song. Cause I'm learning. It actually does help me. It's like therapy for me. I need that, because I'm the type of person again who doesn't express myself. So if I hold everything in for one day, like I just start crying out of nowhere.

Have you ever seen Insecure with Issa Rae? Have you seen her go into the mirror and do her rap when she's feeling something heavy?

That's really like how I feel. Literally I will be in the bathroom, just sitting on my counter. It's so weird. People are always like, “You're so weird”. And I'm like, “It's just comfortable”. It's so tiny. Like I'll have studio sessions, I like to be in a small room. I'm really weird.

Well, at least you know yourself. From the writing process to the completion and release of the video and EP, what feelings/energy accompanied you during the process?

A lot. I would definitely say for X the EP, I was very...I would say I was very happy. Like, even though "X-Ting" is still kinda like "fuck you.” I was in a really interesting place because two of the songs on the EP I actually did with, Wallsheet Fire and IzyBeats and Lasco. That was in Miami. It was my first time in Miami. The vibe in Miami is crazy, it’s stunning. You just feel happy. So everyone's energy was up. And like, honestly at that point, I kind of forgot things that I was dealing with because I was in the moment. “I'm in a new place, I'm working with people that I fucking love,” is what I kept thinking. I love their work, so I was just happy. It's so crazy because even though a lot of the production was upbeat and I was in such a happy place, I still kind of wanted to remain and have that edge to me. So it's like, I wasn't so far off, but yeah, it's just, I feel this EP kind of just showed like what I was, you know, living, because at that time, like I never had friends, I just started making friends. I always went out in the summertime. Every weekend I was out, my friends were always over. So it was just like me experiencing a whole new life. This was all new to me.
 

But staying tethered, you know, you had a balance knowing that it can get so high, but to make sure that you didn't fall off the rockers—so high or so low. It's a serious balance.

I think too, that's what I loved about working with the people that I did work with for this EP. They understood me. Even if it was mostly happy beats, they know, when I walked in the room, I'm very standoffish. I'm very shy. Or I like to speak my mind or say things I necessarily shouldn't say or people wouldn't expect me to say. They kept that in mind when working with me, which I love because a lot of people are just like, “Here you go.” You know, they don't really consider who you are and try to expel you.

In your own words, how do you see the growth you've acquired in this song released? What is tangible to you now that wasn't available from when you started? 

Kind of goes back to what I said before. I think the growth with X compared to Mood Ring that I dropped when I was like 15..16, Mood Ring was very much a project that literally was handed to me. Even though I wrote a lot of the songs on it, I didn't know who I was. Well, I knew who I was, but I was also kinda like going along with what I thought people wanted me to be. I just didn't speak up. Like, I was just very shy. I was just like, okay, well I like the song, but it wasn't like, I liked the song cause it was me. I feel like the growth is more like a personal growth because now I'm just like, okay, I like the song and it's me or this doesn't sound like me, maybe we should change this. More like, authentic whereas I feel like I kind of lacked that and I guess it's like, it's not a bad thing. Cause I feel like a lot of artists kind of have to go through that phase. Cause that's how you find out like who you really are right? So definitely a huge growth.

Okay. So now that we're off running into the new year, what would you like to carry into this year that you achieved or mastered in our last year, which was an insane last year for everybody involved. 

Hmm. What would I like to carry into this year that I achieved last year? I definitely have more confidence because I know it sounds so crazy, but I'm a really small girl and I was very.. not insecure but insecure. Like I felt a certain way, even spending some time in Atlanta, I would see girls with big boobs and like their butts done. And I was very self-conscious, I wanted to literally get my boobs done when I, as soon as I was like 19. And then my mom's like, “Ebhoni just give yourself time.” I didn't give myself credit. Cause when I was like 19, well, 18, I would always post like tittie dem small or small tittie girls. I remember people always used to call me that. It would be fun cause like that was me being confident. I feel like when I was like 19...20, I kind of lost my confidence. Cause I was just kind of going off of what I thought society thought I should look like. I definitely have more confidence and I'm bringing that into 2021 and just being very... what is the word? Very selfish for myself. Because I feel like I'm a very selfless person. When I get into relationships or when I like someone I'm very all of a sudden..I feel like I always like to wear my heart on my sleeve. People just really think like, "Oh she's just hardbody", but it's like, no, I'm actually super, super sensitive. I'm just kind of learning how to balance it.

That’s exciting though. You started on Youtube and have transitioned to having all of your music on every platform. Who do you sing for now? What is the audience you're imagining, listening and resonating with your message? 

I would definitely say for the unapologetic girls, a lot of girls who don't care what people think, a lot of girls who just go with the flow, or a lot of girls who kind of just have that unapologetic attitude. Because that's like me, I could be going through something, but I still will carry myself in an unapologetic way just because I feel like that helps me. That kind of shows in my music because it's like, for example, "X-Ting" is like, even though my X-Ting calling, it's like, "fuck you" at the same time. Like it's a heartbreak, but it's still like, fuck you. And I feel like that's kind of how I carry myself and I feel like a lot of people relate to that. And a lot of females do and I basically make music for those females because I feel like it's so hard, you know, having so much on your mind and just not being able to express it. So definitely for unapologetic females, and boys.

I hear you. So what were some of the tunes/genres you listened to, to pull inspiration for this project?

I listened to a lot of old school reggae. I grew up on that really heavy. I listened to a lot of Soca music. And there was one song. What's his name? Gyptian! I love him. I listened to his songs all summer and I just feel like, cause they were so loving, but still, you know, and I just listened to a lot of old school R&B. I feel like Brandy, she came out with her project that had a big role in this because I love harmonies. I like to study harmonies. So like I'll listen to like SWV, Brandy. I listened to Keyshia Cole. I listened to Monica. Just stuff like that. Cause I love harmonies. That's like a really big thing of mine. Just layering my vocals. I feel like that has a lot to do with this project.

So with your release coming out in February, what was the significance of an after Valentine's day and still beginning of the year drop?

I didn't really think of it too much.

Well, I mean, it’s a beginning of the year kind of drop. Some people make albums for summer. Some people make 'em for like a fall descent, but you're doing kind of at the beginning of the year..

I feel like because I'm working on so much stuff right now that I just feel like it's better. And so me, I was like, these songs are so good, but they're never going to come out. I'm like, that's not fair. So literally I harassed my team. I was like, “This needs to come out.” These are like the four songs that I really love, like this needs to be a thing, and they were like, “What do you mean, Ebhoni?” I honestly didn't know. I don't know if you call it a playlist. I don't know if you want to just put it out and say, here you go. I'm like, it needs to come out and it's so crazy. Cause it kind of works cause "X-Ting" came out right around Valentine's Day, and I honestly did not plan that. I'm very just like, I'll think something and be like, "Hey, let's go do it."

In honor of February being Black History Month, are there any causes or organizations you're supporting right now, any Black owned businesses you support that you want to just shout out? 

Oh yes. So basically for my video everyone who was a part of it was a Black creative. Even this project is all Black creatives. That's my creative director, Bobby Bowen, my makeup artist, Mila, my hairstylist Kyle, my other makeup artist, Rah. We shot the "X-Ting" video in like the biggest Black owned beauty supply store in Toronto, Hair Granted. Yeah, everyone that was a part of this was a person of color.

Awesome, then my last question for you is: your music has lyrics that are aligned with the empowerment of supporting each other and respecting yourself as well as others. What do you do to maintain this refreshing nature/mindset on a daily basis?

I would say this all comes from my grandma. My grandma actually just recently passed, December 20th, but literally my grandma. And I know it sounds crazy, but basically to kind of give you a background: I grew up on Weston Road, like the West side of Toronto. On that side, there are a lot of drug addicts. There's a lot of people with mental illnesses. So a lot of people who aren't fortunate. Everyone on Weston road knows my grandma. Like, you know, those grandparents that everyone knows, yeah, like my grandma. And I remember like at 1 or 2am she'd be like, "Ebhoni come sit outside with me," and I'd be like, "I don't want to sit outside." But I remember sitting outside with her even, we still did it to this day, we would sit outside and I would literally just talk to everyone. She would teach me to talk to everyone and to not judge. My friends used to think I was crazy. Cause I used to hug addicts or they'd be like, "Ebhoni!!!" See, like I really had some sort of relationship with them and it was all because my grandma kind of just taught me not to judge people and just kinda, you know. That has a lot to do with how I am in my music or the things I might say, because I'm not a judgmental person. One of my best friends in high school had autism. Like, you know, I've always been that way. And I give that up to my grandma, that comes through my music I believe.