Oh, absolutely! I feel like people really need that these days too, the reality check that it’s not always a happy ending.
Exactly. I want my films and the films that I work on to sit with people long after they leave their seats. That’s something I really strive for in my work.
Now a bit of a more serious segue, with COVID and the rise in AAPI hate crimes across this country how has your work changed in the past year and a half?
I had to take a step back from creating for a while especially after what happened in Atlanta. I was in New York at the time and looking at the news seeing people of all ages being attacked just for being Asian made it hard to leave my bed. I was very, I was very scared for my community as well, because a lot of things also happened in San Francisco and my grandmother still lives there and it was just hard to think about anything else, anything but the fear. I was glued to the TV watching all of this horror happen and I was really scared. Through that fear I started to really reevaluate how I wanted to start creating work again.
When you were in New York what helped you get through that time?
Being around my friends. They would come over and go on walks with me so I wasn’t alone, pick up food and just hung out with me at my place. My friends really helped me get out of that dark place. I also did a lot of reading. I read everything I could about what was happening, I looked for places to donate and just did my best to become as educated as I could. I’m Japanese, American, French, and German, there’s a lot of cultures there and I began thinking more and more about how I could honor each one. Growing up I never felt like I was just one thing, never just French, just Japanese, just German, just American, but with that I also never felt like I had the right to claim any of those identities fully. So the idea of making a piece about Paris, or with the French culture even though I grew up there my whole life seems wrong. I didn't really feel like I belonged anywhere, so finding myself within my own life and developing a deeper understanding of my culture has been so helpful during this time.
How has your work changed since all of this? Are you more selective about things you work on?
I decided to just think about every project I do more and through the lens of what can I do for my community. I started to take my work into my own hands. Going back to even before COVID, back to when I first started modeling one thing that always stuck with me was the idea that someone like me wouldn’t be able to get an editorial cover. No matter how many brands I worked for, an Asian girl wasn’t going to get the cover. It has always made me angry, but I was finally just pushed over the edge and was tired of waiting around. For most of lockdown I was in LA and while there I met an amazing, small team of creatives who were not only ready to work, but who wanted to help each other create their dream work. Meeting them was game changing because it allowed me to begin to take over more aspects of photoshoots. I started putting myself on magazine covers, I would hire other Asian models to work with me. I figured, if no one was going to give me the opportunity, I was going to give it to myself, to people that looked like me who otherwise wouldn’t be given this opportunity.