Jen Awad Won't Stop Daydreaming
Awads new single drops today, be sure to check it out wherever you can.
Stay informed on our latest news!
Awads new single drops today, be sure to check it out wherever you can.
With the release of the first single off her new record, “Safe Word,” Candy is sharing her musical evolution with us as she embraces a more mature sound that harnesses the sexiness she is known for. office caught up with the artist following the single’s music video release to talk art, independence, and visibility.
Brooke Caaaandy! How are you?
I’m doing great, babe, thank you!
Amazing. Could you tell us a little bit more about the new music you are starting to put out? What is different now…what excites you about it?
I think overall I’ve had more control with this single and the new album and it’s just really seamless. The sound is a little bit more adult and mature and like, full. It's a little bit less crass, which is important for me as I get older because I find I'm much less slutty these days. I need to make music that is a little bit more honest. It's still raunchy to an extent but I think it is slightly more digestible and the sound is really solid. It’s fun dance music!
Where does it fit in categorically with the rest of your discography?
Every song on the new album is pop, which is something I don't think I've done really thoroughly in the past. I feel I've always straddled the line of being a hip hop artist as well. I think people like to classify me as a hip hop artist, which is amazing. I love hip hop always and forever, but I'm really a pop girly deep down. It's always been my dream to make really good pop music, but I just really didn't have the tools in the past.
I understand that your husband, Kyle, directed the music video. Could you share what that process was like and how you feel about the final product?
Oh my gosh, it was honestly so fun to do with him. I've been begging him to make art for me for five years now. So I broke him finally. I badgered him and begged him and then he finally said yes. It was the first music video that he's made in his life, which to me is mind blowing because it's so phenomenal. He's just so talented. He’s been a really honest and supportive sounding board for me in my career the last five years… someone I always can go to for guidance…so it was so nice to actually collaborate with him finally. I had full faith that he was going to kill it, and we just ended up having the most fun. We were also just very nice to each other on set and it felt very easy to communicate because we have this way of talking that goes deeper than language. We can communicate without saying anything. It was very cool to have that kind of connection with the director.
That is so sweet. The video really did turn out so beautiful. I felt like there were so many hidden references in it. The car scene especially felt like I was watching you as a young Rose McGowan in The Doom Generation.
Oh, wow, that is a huge compliment. I think The Doom Generation is absolutely incredible. I feel like I've always tried to reference it throughout the last 10 years. The direct reference in this video, though, is Wong Kar-Wai’s Fallen Angels. The cinematography in that film is incredible. We emulated some of those super close up, wide angle shots. It can be very unflattering but it’s also just so trippy and fun. We wanted the whole thing to feel like an acid trip.
I hate to use the word comeback, because I feel like it can be both corny and kind of disrespectful to artists who have been around. That being said, I feel that we are at a watershed moment in your career. Would you agree with that?
Yes! I feel I've been completely dormant for the past two years and I kind of just took a break. I was on the verge of quitting because I was just over it and I was focusing on other projects but I feel lately that I've had like a burning fire inside of me. I feel an insane, almost vengeful demonic drive to go harder than I've ever gone because I feel invisible. I felt like I spent a decade of my life just trying so hard to make cool shit and be recognized for it. And then for the past couple of years I felt very overlooked. I’m at this moment in my life. I'm trying to regain that power that I had before. I want respect and I want people’s attention.
Behind-the-scenes look at the making of the "Safe Word" music video.
Coat, pants and shoes GIVENCHY, shirt and tie PAUL SMITH.
Hey, how are you doing?
Doing great. It's a good day.
Nice. All right, so who is Asha?
In what sense?
You talk a lot about intersections and how important they are in your music. What intersections do you exist in and where do you see your music?
I'm at the intersection of Soul, Funk, Hip Hop, R&B and Alternative. It's a space that we're creating for people to collide from opposite ends of the spectrum.
Left: Coat LOUIS VUITTON, top KENZO, pants THEOPHILIO, shoes BURBERRY, sunglasses GENTLE MONSTER, ring VEERT. Right: Coat PAUL SMITH, top MARINE SERRE, necklace VEERT, ring TALENT’S OWN.
How important is community in your artistry?
Community is vital to my artistry. I literally wouldn't be here sitting talking to you in New York if it wasn't for my community. As I grow, it's a hope that my community continues to grow and that my work champions and uplifts other artists. The main difference between PINS & NEEDLES and Good News is my community. It's a combination of three years of me stepping into other artists, producers, songwriters, stylists and photographers worlds and getting seasoned by everything that exists in the spaces between.
I think that joining the KOGO Home was kind of like when things started to get really real and I started to understand where I fit into things a little bit more. It’s wild there, CONNIE could be downstairs doing his thing, producing his Hi_TEK music and Zack Fox is coming through or Matt Ox is coming through but then there's also Alé Araya in the other room working on her music which brings this ethereal, warm, soulful feeling.
There's all of these different worlds and textures that I get to be hearing faintly around me as I’m finding my own shit. There’s also the utility of being able to play your music for another artist who's figuring their stuff out. So, it's this exchange and it's not like a transaction, it's like a friendship, which also makes it more fun.
Yeah, that's really cool that y’all live in an artist community. You’ve been working on these songs a long time?
Three years.
So how does it feel releasing them into the world?
Man, in a lot of ways, it's terrifying because it's like, some of these songs are super personal. A goal with this album was making it digestible so that the first feeling you're met with when you listen to it is joy. But when you spend more time with it, you’ll notice the themes and messages of self acceptance, processing self doubt, processing grief, and just making your way through anxiety.
Coat, top and pants BALENCIAGA, boots HERON PRESTON, necklace MARTINE ALI, sunglasses ALEXANDER MCQUEEN.
What does your daily artistic practice look like, and how do you take care of yourself?
My daily artistic practice is a lot of studying. I listen to a lot of podcasts and read a lot of books, especially Rick Rubin’s book, The Creative Act: A Way of Being. That's like pretty much everybody's new textbook. It feels like a holy book. You could keep reading it and open to a random page, and there's insight there for you. It feels like panning for gold. Everywhere I go, I'm trying to find little gems and just that spirit of exploration and putting myself in new situations.
As far as taking care of myself, it's practicing mindfulness, meditation and capturing moments of stillness, trying to be aware of my thoughts. Stuff like that. I think, especially with this album, I've gotten to reckon with things that otherwise probably would have just never been fixed in terms of what sometimes holds me back in that process.
So talking about some of the things that you had to face making this album, what were things that were holding you back in the process before?
I'd be scared to say stuff sometimes, like leaving things vague. I tried to protect myself in my lyrics and didn’t create from a place of complete vulnerability and creative exploration.
I'm singing more than I ever have and just stretching my voice and my production ability more than I ever have, doing things that make me feel like a baby again. And I am a baby in this shit when it comes down to it. Sometimes I’m held back by things as simple as not sleeping for multiple days and things as complicated as addiction, overindulgence, and getting really healthy with my relationships and leaning into family.
Left: Jacket and top Y-3, sunglasses BALENCIAGA, earrings VEERT. Right: Jacket, shirt and pants DOLCE & GABBANA, ring VEERT.
Is your family supportive of your music career and artistry?
Yeah, definitely. I have a super musical family, so they understand, but in a different way. A lot of my family has a gospel background. My grandmother played piano in churches all through San Diego, and my big brother was a rapper before me. My uncle is a producer, so they kind of loosely get it. But it's a different time now, too, so it looks different. And it's like, when I come home, they just want to know all the cool shit I've been doing in the time between.
But I think topically, covering some things with families can be uncomfortable. Like, there's a song on the album where I talk about when my brother got locked up or the time that I tried acid and it kind of fucked my head up. They get to see an angle of me in the music that they might not get just by talking to me, so it's kind of scary for them too, sometimes.
I know that you've talked a lot about your niece and nephew and how important they are to you. What kind of uncle are you?
Oh, man, I'm the best uncle, bro. I'm the favorite uncle.
Are you the only uncle?
I'm technically the only uncle but I’m the one that comes around with a stuffed animal every time I see you. I’m the ‘let's listen to Jill Scott and Erykah Badu’ type of uncle.
Left: Coat, pants and shoes GIVENCHY, shirt and tie PAUL SMITH. Right: Jacket THEOPHILIO, top KENZO, pants CASABLANCA, shoes SEBAGO, sunglasses MAXMARA, necklace VEERT.
With social media, I feel like artists are expected to constantly be putting work out. How do these expectations influence your process?
I feel like coming up in this era, it feels a little bit more natural, but it's always quality first, and we just try to set things up so that there's as much to share as possible. But I think that I've always been headstrong about making sure that anything that we're sharing feels like it's forever, and it's not just for any given moment.
How do you make forever music?
I think it's just going with your gut, not making the formative decisions creatively from any place other than what's felt.
What music is your forever music?
I really love Sade’s song “Like a Tattoo”, Stevie Wonder’s “Golden Lady” and Jordan Ward’s “FAMJAM4000”. It's music that has a soul in it and can't really be watered down. Forever music, for me, has a specific tone and resonance to it. It's something that speaks to the fabric of who I am.
And that's why I bring up Jordan Ward. Jordan is an artist that I feel is going to be here forever because he's that. I think with the music that I make and that I'm a part of making, I'm always trying to bring out the thing in my collaborators that makes them, them.
What makes you, you?
What makes me, me? Man, I'm curious. I think that's one of the biggest things is like, I could ask a million questions about anything, sometimes to a fault. But I like to explore.
Left: Coat, jacket, shirt and shorts LOUIS VUITTON, bracelet VEERT, ring TALENT’S OWN. Right: Jacket and pants, RAINS, top MM6 MAISON MARGIELA, shoes CAMPERLAB, necklace MARTINE ALI, sunglasses GENTLE MONSTER.
This album explores a lot of different themes and formations of love. Are you pro or anti situationships?
I mean ‘situationship’ has a negative connotation to it, kind of, but I don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about things. It's all about honesty. Are you being real with yourself and the person that you're dealing with? What level do you want to go to? For me, I'm in a relationship right now, and it was one that I wasn't looking for. I stumbled upon it. That's something that's magic. And I think that a lot of what we're looking for is the magical part. I'm pro exploring and just being real. Honestly, because it could be complicated and still be beautiful, you know?
If your album was a cologne, what would it smell like?
Burberry touch, mint.
Quick with it. How did you come up with the title Pins and Needles?
Pins and Needles? Yeah. It kind of goes back to what I was talking about earlier and that sense of discomfort. The album started, actually, while I was working on my last mixtape, Good News, and it was in the middle of the pandemic, and I was literally stuck in one place, but I think I put it on the back burner and came back to it in a place of motion, and it helped me to appreciate that place of stagnation.
I realized that I’m just this imperfect person trying to figure shit out in real time at the moment and that’s where the positive growing pains come in. I think that there's a spectrum of feelings that we have to appreciate in their totality to really get the best things out of life. Because if you live just for the joy or excitement or whatever, everything else is going to suck.
And for me, whether it's dealing with anxiety or trying to hold onto moments of joy and celebration and shit like that, it's all a fleeting thing. And I think that's the main theme of the album, the pins represent that internal struggle and change, while the needles represent the external.
Sweater MR. SATURDAY, pants MARINE SERRE, shoes UGG x TELFAR, sunglasses BALENCIAGA, necklaces and earrings VEERT.
What are your favorite bars on the album?
I'm scanning through because I have my favorites for sure. I'm trying to think of the ones that feel like they kind of represent the feeling, too, but… Oh my God, on “DID I CALL AT A BAD TIME?”, Rizz Capolatti says “Pop out with some out of pageant/Pop out with some out of magic. No, look, I pass it like magic/ While I do racks, I do magic.” That's just so hard to me, like the wordplay.
That's very hard.
Or Boogie’s verse on “PHONICS”, he said “I know you finna hurt a nigga, you love going with the wave and I'm just your current nigga”.
Yeah, that's so fire, There's that line where you talk about ‘something something, and now I got a handful of your ass’ or something like that. Got that stuck in my head. What's the line exactly?
“I know it hurts but what the fuck I'm supposed to do? 2 AM you talkin bout when I’m comin through. My hands full of your ass again, accident.”
That's a situation, sir.
Yeah, that's a situation [laughs].
Left: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes DOLCE & GABBANA, ring VEERT. Right: Coat PAUL SMITH, pants WILLY CHAVARRIA, top MARINE SERRE, shoes SEBAGO, necklace and bracelets VEERT, rings TALENT’S OWN.
What's your favorite beat on the album?
My favorite beat on the album is probably “DO u WANNA BE HIGH?” I'm picky. They all feel like my kids, but I love the drums on that song.
You got a favorite kid! It's all right.
Parents do, too.
What will your next album sound like?
I'm still finding the sound, but I definitely just want to make more fun shit that people can bounce to and vibe to. I definitely want to embody some of the more afrobeat world influence, but blending it with the funk, soul shit that I love.
I want to make a kind of dance record. I love seeing how people react when we put that song out “DO u WANT TO BE HIGH?”. It’s so fire. And the idea of people not even thinking about the lyrics kind of plays a little bit more into that main ethos of, like, I'm going to give you the message, but I want you to live with the song enough for you to stumble upon it as opposed to it being in your face and shit.
Ashley answers the zoom call with an immediate shot of her cat on her pillow — he is the size of the pillow.
office— He’s so big!
Ashley— Do you hear him purring? He’s so good. Living with furry creatures has actually changed my life for the better.
Where'd you grow up?
Nashville, Tennessee.
I can hear the Nashville in your music. What was that like? Did you have a musical upbringing?
Not really, to be honest. My family is pretty non-musical. My parents didn’t grow up putting on records, but I grew up listening to some good local radio stations. When I was like, five years old, I remember getting singing lessons. My parents’ reason for that wasn’t because I loved music, but because I had a really squeaky voice and they were like, “We gotta fix this” [laughs]
I didn’t have a stage mom, but I’m glad I didn’t. My parents were ultimately super supportive of whatever I wanted to do, even if they didn’t get it. My dad was a Cuban immigrant trying to be a doctor, but I will say they had great records at home — they just didn’t have a record player. So, they did have it in them — they just had to let it go when they had kids. I do remember though, last time I went home, my dad was like, “Have you heard of Wet Leg?” And I was like, “How the fuck do you know Wet Leg?” [laughs] Shout out my dad.
Shout out your dad. But that’s so funny. That would be like if my dad was like, “Have you heard of boygenius?” I’d be like, “Who taught you that?”
Growing up in Nashville helped me out, because so many people there are already musical because their parents worked in music. And I did take piano growing up, but I never really expected to do music at all. It’s just kind of something that happened and I went along with it. I was actually a musical theater girlie. I have a full-ass degree in musical theater, but I’ve worked a long time to kind of rid myself of those isms. Now, I’m not embarrassed by it like I used to be.
I will say, when I started making music, I had moved back to Nashville after living in Argentina for a year, and I had written a few songs there, but I wasn't trying to be a musician… I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. But I started dating Ian — we were together for three years — he’s in my band and helped me produce my first two EPs — he’s my best friend and he really helped me out of those isms. He would hear my songs and say, “I’m not saying this is bad, but you sound like a theater girl. Too much vibrato” And I was like, “I don’t want to sound like a theater girl!” So I kind of had to learn how to not sing like that.
You said you were living in Argentina for a while, when did you come to New York?
After I graduated college in 2018, I went to Argentina for a little under a year. And when I ran out of money, then I moved back to Nashville. At the time, I still wanted to act, so I moved back home to save up money and figure out what I wanted to do. I stayed there for a little over two years and then moved here in the middle of 2021 or 2022. I’ve lived here for a little under two and a half years.
I’m actually flying out to LA at the end of this week to DJ my friend’s wedding and walk her down the aisle, and she’s my best friend from high school and we lived in Argentina together.
When you were writing songs in Argentina, was your sound different from the sound you have now?
Completely. I was writing very Joni Mitchell-esque folk music. When I started musical theater, they had a songwriting emphasis and I did that, but I was writing songs on piano. And when I moved to Argentina, I was like, “I’ll just bring a guitar and learn to play it.” That’s when I started writing on guitar, which changed my sound. And it’s just evolved over time as my interests have changed.
You taught yourself guitar just because it was easier to carry?
I would say that I still don’t really know how to play guitar. I don’t know what I’m playing. In Argentina, I brought it just as a means to write, adn I was just kind of moving my fingers around. That’s still kind of how I do it now. Eventually I wanna learn more guitar and be a better player, but I still love the freedom of not knowing what I’m doing.
Where's the name from?
Honestly, I don't really know. It was kind of something that me and my friends used to call each other in college, and it was gonna be my first EP name. But Joseph was like, “Why don’t you just name your project Big Dumb Baby instead? It has more of a ring to it than your name.” And I think it’s kind of fitting. And it’s been good to have separation between my interpersonal relationships where I’m Ashley, and then this project where I’m Big Dumb Baby. It’s not too separate from who I am, but…
It’s good to have at least a little bit of demarcation. Especially when people only see you as an artist, or this public figure who has the capacity to give them something. Do people treat you differently as Big Dumb Baby versus Ashley?
No, not really — maybe because I’m so early on in my career that I don’t have a lot to give people.
Don’t say that!
No, you’re right. As a friend, I do have a lot to give people obviously. But in terms networking, I don’t know how much I have to give people. If they were trying to take something from me, I probably wouldn’t even notice just because I’m so “la di da.”
Honestly, the only weirdness I’ve ever gotten is at the beginning when people don’t understand my project. But I haven’t gotten that recently, or I’ve just learned how to get over it because I like the shit I’m making and I love my friends and the life I have. So I’m kind of unbothered by it.
How’d you find yourself in SXSW?
I just submitted online. I think I was one of the later rounds of acceptances. I was just thinking, “This would be a cool thing for me to do, and it would be the right time in my career to do this,” because I’m not on a label, I don’t have a manager, I’m fully independent.
Are those things you want for the future?
For sure. But I’m doing fine on my own. I have Joseph’s help with all the creative shit, and honestly, he kind of is a momager — always hooking it up. I trust him with everything. He truly is the best and as soon as I make money, he’s going to be the first person I pay — besides my band, obviously. But last year, I saw a lot of people go and I didn’t even think to submit because I hadn’t even released my second EP yet.
But this year, I was like, “I have some stuff published about me, I have things to submit, I have a new EP…” So I just kind of went for it. I wasn’t really expecting anything because hundreds — I don’t even know how many people — submitted and I know a lot of people’s labels submit for them. So I wasn’t getting my hopes up, but it was a really nice acceptance email to get. It made me feel like I’m on the right track.
I'm really proud of you. Because that's major and you're doing that all on your own.
I’m really proud of myself too. And I give so much of my own money to this project. I work so much and make no money — you know how the streaming industry is. I feel like I hustle really hard and sometimes it’s hard to remind myself that something better is going to come, but I’m really happy about this. Even though I’m going to spend literally every penny I have to get there, I think it’ll be a good opportunity. And I’m going down with my band, who are my best friends — it’s just going to be fucking fun.
Most of your shows are free, aren't they?
Yes, and I love it that way. I never want to lose that line to my audience. I have fun playing music and I don’t want to lose that. And I’m really happy with the shit that I’m making.
And you're doing it all independently.
I don’t have someone vouching for me — I don’t have anyone at that table in the SXSW conference room, so they must have just liked the music or wanted to take a chance — but either way, I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t deserve it, which is a big win for me. I’m holding out and trying to do things the right way. I never want to try and play any games because that’s lame. For the past few years, I feel like I’ve just been able to put my best foot forward, and — why are you whimpering?
What?
Oh sorry [laughs] not you — the cat. But I think the reason I do free shit all the time is that it gets so boring when things are so self-serving. The reason we do music is because we like it. We should just play more music with friends and it should be fun. It doesn’t have to be a job all the time.